#I ACCIDENTALLY MADE THIS LONGER WHOOPSIE | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

larrythefloridaman · 2 years ago

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Finally picked this up again! episodes #Reboot and CPUK11 notes under the cut! Considered doing more eps for this batch of notes but decided to make a new post as we hit the end of each new arc for the sake of breaking these posts up into bites thatre a Liddle shorter, lol. enjoy

CPUK Reboot! Ryan says outright they're gonna ignore some stuff going forward for the sake of clarity, like for example mario from super mario's weirdnesses. They launch into an explanation of the whole crimson debacle, describing BOTH hamburger Helper summoning the crimson initially AND the Crimson killing the Grunk as having been accidental, which tracks a bit with crimson's comments about the whole grunk thing being 'messy,' and later established fact that what he was trying to do was corrupt him, and resisting being made into something he wasn't is what killed him. Whole lot of fuckin. Life-Changing Whoopsie Doodles going on in here. just an absolute tragedy of errors. Crimson later, in CPUK Orange: "but he got better! you can't stay mad at me forever right?" sorry crimson i know you've probably already accepted this by now. but they are going to.

Following Ryan leaving cpu kerfuffle for a bit after the fucking bummer PR Nightmare that was the grunk and jay dying, everyone just went fucking hogwild attempting to claim championship for themselves as in the absence of the competition, noone had been officially declared the new champion, and therefore it was considered up for grabs and the contestants descended into chaos and infighting, banding together into factions to try and take championship on behalf of their team. need to know more about this era. CPUK11 describes it as Mad Max-ish. It sounds hilarious. Iggy 'tamed' the Crimson, sacrificing his godpower to do so in what we later learn was the result of a multifaceted deal with Cobalt to keep Crimson Alive, but no longer interfering with the normal function of the tournament itself, while also paying off Iggy's debt to Cobalt for bringing back Home as part of the timeloop. Chat Member: "hot take: cpu kerfuffle has more complicated lore than homestuck" Ryan: "not yet, give it time." smiles

Ryan: "The crimson right now is like- pretty chill, it wont be contagious, it wont be killing anybody- i like that I like it not killing anybody-" aside from the obviously bad still possessing val thing he's just been. fucking vibing? i guess? Compliant with Cobalt and Iggy's terms. It is interesting in retrospect how thoroughly crimson was discussed like a Thing and not a Person early on despite definitely being played as having personality and human level intelligence even then. Just a lot… quieter.

Ryan: "But Iggy's decided: okay you guys made factions? We're going to do the tournament all the same, except now everyone's gonna be fighting on and representing their own teams."

Team Crimson original description: "the team for anyone with loyalty to the crimson, or just really likes the color red. All of them are quite passionate for whatever it is that they love, whether it be the abomination that is their namesake or their more personal passions, but the one rule is you Gotta be wearing the color red."

Cash money is about making cash money, OR brand loyalty/cultivation. very little has changed beyond the eventual outright banning of rich people to center more specifically on small businesses, individuals furthering their careers and freelancer types.

"Team Clutch's sole purpose is to produce the greatest fighters ever to live, and they will train hard and win this tournament to prove it." lol. lmao even (affectionate)

Team Cones has seen that cpu kerfuffle is ALL about the chaos, and they're leaning into it baby, lets go!!

"After the Crimson was tamed by Iggy. Unfortunately, even as the Crimson was tamed, Captain Crimson stayed within the Crimson's clutches, he was the one thing it managed to hold onto tightly. Captain Crimson used to be known as Captain Valentine, is essentially the sort of- emissary of the Crimson, the leader of the Crimson, and the one who formed Team Crimson. Right now he's- just kind of a crimson boy- a lot of people are speculating that Valentine might still be in there but if we see him again it might not be this time-" 😔

"The other member of team crimson- Dantoinette! Dantoinette originally came here as a player of Tekken and Soul Calibur, 3d fighters, and came here like 'i kick ass at those games, this is gonna be Nothing' and they showed their stuff-" ryan keeps they/them-ing random fighters. he keeps doing it and it's awesome

"-however, throughout all the madness that came, the whole outbreak, the hiatus, Dantoinette actually didn't choose a team at first- but Captain Crimson was like 'hey, you wear red, you've got this passion for these games, want to join my side?' And Dantoinette decided 'yeah, lets do it.' So thats Dantoinette." Crimson. I reiterate that her first reaction to meeting you was attempting to kill you. Boy-

ICEE remains just a guy in a bear suit that likes him some fuckin ICEE baby! Or actually a bear. Ryan says the jury's still out on that part. At this point im willing to say ICEE just IS a bear suit. Like a sentient mascot costume i mean. Take the head off and theres just nothing in there. Yung Papaya made a few singles that got charted during the hiatus, so he's making that Money, and him and ICEE started team cash money as a joint thing.

Team Clutch formed by Sword Goku with the goal of creating a team where people can work to become the best version of themselves, they can be the champions they know they can be. And part of Team Clutch at this point is the former champ, the king himself, Big Yopper, the first champ before it was even called CPU Kerfuffle. He and Sword Goku spent the whole break training.

"Team Cones wasnt really founded by anyone it just sort of- appeared from the aether. We have Hamburger, the original reigning champion, a winner at the top of his game for many years- originally he was just sorta- doing his own bullshit, he was actually married to someone else who we'll talk about in a second- got divorced after the whole Crimson thing, and after the whole Crimson thing was all said and done, he decided y'know what? I'm breaking away from all that. He defected from the Crimson and joined team cones because he's all about that chaos." Defected is an interesting word choice here because it implies despite Crimson's whole thing being physically controlling you that he just Did That. Between this and Chessmaster (both of whom were explicitly willingly possessed for the sake of a power boost) it feels like. Maybe there could be some kind of Personal Revelation type condition to meet to free yourself from Crimson? Considering the fact he's a god of treachery who possesses your body to do evil, a bad influence personified that tempts you toward destructive coping mechanisms with varying degrees of intentionality and malice, a correlation between choosing to earnestly change yourself for the better and being able to throw off his hold on you seems pretty Thematically Appropriate, although it does make Dantoinette literally axeing the evil out of people even funnier. Dantoinette voice: i dont need therapy and neither do you. what you need is an asskicking to get some sense knocked into you and i can deliver one. express shipping DIRECTLY to hell

"And joining him on that team is his own ex-husband of all people, Dadondorf! Unfortunately they did have a bit of a divorce- crimson took over him, he was being a bit of a dick, and dadondorf is not… with him right now he's just joining the team with him, helping build the team, he's like, 'no funny business, strictly professional relationship we have as we rule over Team Cones'." i think dad's lying a little bit i think mamma mia by abba is on repeat in dadondorf's brain at this point and he was being very brave about it /j

ICEE's bird is named Cherry <3

ICEE and Big Yopper are good friends that hang out often and apparently sometimes they stream together? ICEE's friends are like 10 or 50+ with very little in between with the exception of like, spriteman. who's like. I think he's in the same early to mid twenties age range as j0hn and larry? but thats an assumption based largely on 'it feels right.'

Jimbo plays both persona and minecraft. This is the only fresh information i can glean from Cap'n Crim vs. Dadondorf its nearly all unremarkable match commentary and that's a little funny to me. Later though its suggested Dadondorf performs poorly in this fight because 1) hes feeling like a washed up old man and then later 2) fighting captain crimson just sort of Inherently threw him off and put him on the defensive

Yung Papaya calls for a ban on New Donk, claiming it gives an unfair advantage to team cones because they revel in the chaos of a stage with walk offs that moves that much. Hamhel sets a challenge that if YP can win their set then sure, he'll agree to a ban. If Hamburger helper wins the set, he gets to ADD a stage to the legal stage list. Ryan: "I don't know why Hamburger Helper is in charge of this but Iggy approves." He legalizes fucking Hanenbow. We have hamhel to thank for the fuckleaf <3

Dani V. Swoku rematch! Ryan: "these guys are almost opposites, I'd say- Dani being like this lone wolf who's only a part of team crimson because of the passion for another game while Sword Goku's a guy who wants everyone to be the best they can be out of a love for this game. Dantoinette's the one who puts salt in all the chats, Sword Goku's the one that fires it up." Dani ruins his life as per the usual. Dani closes out the match with trash talk, but Sword Goku 'isn't really phased by stuff like that.' Gestures at 20's 1-0 good goddamn, goku im sorry,

Capn Crim vs. Big Yopper, yopper takes the first round bc crimson fucks up and falls for yops disruption tactics. lol. Ryan: "if I'm Captain Crimson right now, im taking- I'm taking a minute to destress, because this guy is absolutely in his head right now. So i think he's taking a breather to get his head in the game to make the same kind of big brain plays he made against dadondorf." Captain Crimson proceeds to counterpick to mario maker. Listen i know he helped found team crimson/calibur but lbr he's always belonged with cones this fucker just wants to make a goddamn mess more than anything. And i guess by like, technicality gestures at limbo that would be his team right now. Crimson gets 2-0'd <3

Hamhel vs. Dantoinette. Dantoinette says L+ratio+youre divorced and 2-0s him to death. It is very clear that without crimson behind the wheel as he was in 9 hamhel cannot challenge dani. They go stock for stock both rounds but Hamhel stagepicks deliberately to small stages where he has disadvantage. in a round where if he loses he has to fight his husband next. Hamburger proceeds to almost 3-stock Dadondorf, and Dadondorf, when asked to comment on this, makes the very suspicious comment of 'its all part of the plan.' This does not obviously appear to go anywhere.

Captain crimson fights a child (yung papaya) and sds less than 20 seconds into the match. Ryan: "at this point- id be packing my bags, taking a deep breath and trying to clear my head for the next round cuz it might be good just to take an L at this point-" despite this capn crim brings it back and wins the first match by (non-literally 🥁) getting into his opponents head like big yopper got into his. then nearly 3 stocks in the second match. Does so much off the wall shit this round. Chat: "this is my first cpu kerfuffle and i already think captain crimson is the most batshit person here" Ryan: "yeah, no, Crimson did really good when they took Captain Valentine." and Yung Papaya has made it his life goal to ban New Donk <3

Dantoinette has a loooooot of close calls in this ep, and she does Lose A Match to Big Yopper after Yopper pulls some Bullshit. Wins second round handily. Starts third round by angrily slamming axe straight into ground repeatedly instead of taking advantage of yopper being shieldbroken and vulnerable. She keeps forgetting about his crown and getting hit.

1-800-AREYOUYOPPIN

Hamhel vs. Capn Crim. Ryan: "this is gonna be an interesting one- the one that's now gone against the Crimson-" (puts up hamhel) "-vs. The face of the crimson itself, since defeated." (Puts up captain crimson) "it's gonna be interesting to see which Number One Guy Of The Crimson wins out. I know right now this is kind of a personal grudge for hamburger helper, so we're gonna have to see how this ends up turning out. Although right now just in terms of like, team loyalty, Captain Crimson isn't worried too much- he's pretty confident in Dantoinette's skills to take it all."

I could watch hamhel fight captain falcons forever and never get bored this is being played like a bitter grudge match and he's still clearly having the time of his life. He dash dances on captain crimson twice. Regardless, capn crim juuuuust barely wins their round.

Captain crimson got fucking Yopped.

Dantoinette then yopped the yopper and took home the championship.

Best of 3 iggy v. dantoinette just for fun exhibition match to close out the night. A nerfed un-ryan-controlled Iggy is firmly on the list of gods Dani could kill if so desired

CPUK 11!!! Doubles, babie!!!

Jay didn't know how he died, and woke up in a coffin tanning bed 6 feet underground. Or why his skin is just a biiiiit red in places. Forgot crimson did it. 'Budget cremation'

Iggy has taken over for Ryan as the Tournament's owner as ryan's special boy and just kept the commentators on as commentators going forward and they are being paid for this

Home MD brought both Grunk and Jay back to life but 'he did still bury you (Jay) alive in a tanning bed before you woke up as a joke.' Larry-

Dantoinette looked at the multiple members of teams in the first tournament of this new direction and said 'no thats stupid. 8 teams, one representative of each.' and the rest of the teams got split off. Then she said 'but Also. this is gonna be doubles.' instead of making everyone play soul calibur like she initially set out to do

Team Crimson: Captain Crimson and Dantoinette. "Arent really big fans of the kerfuffle format- are here to shift it or take it down."

Dani: "I'll show you what the real gamer. I'll show you what the real game is." so true queen.

Ryan: "Dani won last time and instead of making us all play soul calibur, she split teams and Dani said, whichever two teams win, the final match will be between the two of them and the last man standing will be the champion. Because she's so confident she can kick Captain Crimson's ass. it's very funny." Comona: "From what I've seen, I don't doubt that either." Crimson she is very nearly openly declaring her intent to kick your ass why are you here, calling this shit a long con is so generous to Dani ya girl isnt even trying to lie!!

Team Cones! Hamhel defected from the crimson and brought someone new to the stage- and that's Larry. Jay: "oh my god, wait, is that Larry from the grocery store?" Ryan: "yeah, we met up with him at the grocery store- I think he looked like a dog, there? Remember that dog?" Vivid mental image of Larry (dog form) attempting to work a normal shift bagging people's groceries with paws

Ryan: "yeah, he's kind of a jerk, all about ruining your day and messing stuff up, but y'know, other than that he's just all about the chaos, yknow?" Comona: "yeah i remember the time i was at the self-checkout, and he was just like, a regular dude that day? And so I asked him for help- it was giving me trouble, did the weight thing wrong and it was telling me to get somebody to clear it for me and he just sort of stood there for 5 full minutes before he came over and cleared it for me, true agent of chaos, right there." The Abrasive Traumatized Experiment Man Is Dissociating Intensely In Public Spaces.

Team Cash Money! ICEE didn't want or need to get paid but he Does have a sponsorship. As said before Yung Papaya's tracks charted and he founded cash money looking for more of those fat stacks.

Team Clutch! "You wanna be the very best like no one ever was? Then you want to cheer for team clutch!" Goku with a sword, and MY MAN ALABASTER! Comona: "I mean, I assume the sword comes with a different personality-" Ryan, chipper: "oh Absolutely Not! If you wanted a different personality, then maybe ask T. Runks?" Comona: "Oh! Who is loosely related to G. runk?" Ryan: "THE G.Runk!"

Ryan: "Alabaster is a real CPU Kerfuffle Veteran." Jay, about Al: "I really respect how committed he is to this, I saw him at a local the other day, real top level competitor." Comona: "the best thing about being a good competitor that goes to your locals and really preaches that good mentality stuff is it just brings up everyone around you, it makes your whole scene better." Alabaster really is the Krillin of CPU Kerfuffle. Been here forever… A pretty good guy that's besties with Goku... Started out serious but played goofier with time… Significantly stronger than most average normal human beings of the setting from the sounds of it (bc CPU Kerfuffle is consistently characterized as the Top of the Bloodsports game, and even if Al always loses He Is Still Here, they imply Crimson had to Fight His Way To The Top with his pokemon team to get involved in his introductory ep,) but most well-known for getting owned repeatedly because he's constantly placed in competition with terrifying battle-freaks that aren't fucking normal... Befriended and partnered up with an android…

Team Chonk: do you like em big. Do you like em chunky. BIIIIIIIIIIG YOPPER. THE GRUUUUUUUUUUUUNK. The grunk dont funk but he do chunk. This is vital lore information

Team Charm. Yo anybody in chat gay. Rights and Fly Bi. Who once again is defined entirely by ryan having a crush on him thats the entire bit <3

Team Cross! Sora. but Blonde. And the one, the only, minecraft steve. They fucking hate eachother and its REALLY funny

Team Craken! Hoedown and her husband Patch <3 the red kraken is both real people and also, according to Jay, a bestselling novel about those real people in this universe

Jay: "I know you are a practitioner of the joke. I want to hear what your best joke is." Comona: "my best joke is 'I think Hamburger Helper and Larry are going to win this tournament.'" Jay laughs then "that wasn't funny." Comona: "what, you think they have a chance? In what universe does this fallen grand-champ and some guy from the grocery store have against Otherworldly Forces? And team cash money? ICEE AND YUNG PAPAYA?" Jay: "I'm just saying. Hamburger Helper can handle anybody in this bracket. I know hamburger better than anybody and i think he has what it takes to win. Maybe not all the time, maybe not even today, but sometimes Hamburger Helper has what it takes to win. And If Larry just puts in the effort… i could put my weight behind big yopper, but why wouldn't i want to root for the underdog?" Comona: "because the other team has Big Yopper and The Grunk on it, next question." Jay: "yknow what thats a good point im going with big yopper"

Ryan: "I believe in team clutch." 😔

Jay: "i would sell both of you out for the chance to shake Big Yopper's hand." Ryan: "understandable, big yopper is a legend amidst all this, he's considered the first champion and he's earned it."

Firmly believe Minecraft Steve has never returned because he's a shitty teammate and Blonde Sora kicked him out, he keeps attacking his captain, for NO reason,

Ryan: "theres a lot of discord- a lot of infighting between Dantoinette and Crimson- i mean, the whole reason Dantoinette set this up this way is because she wants a one on one fight against captain crimson in finals after they win it all together." That's IT!!!!!!!!! there is no ruse!!!!!!!! there was never a ruse!!!!!! she's just straight up saying it!!!!!! and Crimson is legit just letting this shit happen!!!!!!! the commentators are pretty literally just stating her intentions in character, the only part thats being left out is the exorcism. Dani could not possibly be more blatant like this is just………….. crimson…… ………. homie……………………… what are you thinking. What is happening in your little freak brain rn. Is it just a windows screensaver going on up there? fuck. Its suggested in passing later in the episode that he's just assuming this whole time, with increasing frustration, that her uncooperative behavior is just her being a gloryhound. Also Johannsen saying Dani's more of a fighter than a thinker in the nccts ringing real true being this Obvious about all this.

A lot of argument over what kind of bird Fly Bi is with wildly differing options. Jay says he's a parrot. Ryan says hes a falcon. Jay then says 'wait is he a seagull.' Ryan says hes a good boy is what he is. Comona says 'i dont think hes a dog.' Ryan: "good boys aren't limited to dogs!!" Jay: "oh so hes a cat." Ryan: "yes. Hes a catboy. Glad thats settled."

Al and Swoku besties who fight at locals. Jay: "Every match you lose with Sword Goku he makes sure you leave with new information, you get better from losing to him." Ryan: "exactly, and thats why hes such a favorite among the fighters." Comona: "real recognizes real." Jay: "well, I'd say the three of us are the only real ones here." Ryan: "debatable." wow with exchanges like this it's honestly no wonder j0hn figured out there was a real person showrunner among the commentators so fast (referencing that line about 'so its ryan… it makes sense, hes the only one who's at every tournament…' from him in the nccts)

Team Charm struggles to fight individually because of a lack of regard for themselves and their own performance, too empathetic to be pragmatic, and Comona takes a nice moment to say Remember to Take Care Of Yourself, you can only help the people around you so much when you yourself are struggling, so if you can't do it for you, do it for them. Team Clutch work well on their own and support eachother well, but fail to capture or match the synergy of team charm or team crimson. Ryan: "I think they definitely need a little more unity, maybe kiss or something, who knows i'm not here to be a matchmaker." Jay: "I thought it was your tournament?" Ryan: "Iggy's tournament now. Iggy's the matchmaker." team clutch no stranger to kissing the homies goodnight

Craken V. Cones! Jay: "I feel like I've seen this matchup in my dreams." Ryan: "Dreams or nightmares?" Jay: "Definitely nightmares." Ryan: "how did it end in your nightmares?" Jay: "well it ended with hoedown turning into a starfish, so i don't really know-"

Ryan suggests Hamhel might be a bit washed, and potentially intending to pass the torch on to Larry. lol. lmao.

Squid Jenny's done some investigative journalism and has failed to track down the Florida Man for comment on rumors about the Shapeshifter, increasing the likelihood of their connection.

Hamhel catches patchmans key and the commentators lose track of it. Ryan: "I think Hamburger Helper ate the key!" Comona: "oh man do i have a story for you about eating keys later." Ryan: "IM SORRY?"

ICONIC bit: Jay: how do you Know RPS is a solved game? HamHel: "That Question Was So Stupid, I'm Gonna Kill Larry."

Larry, after Hamhel keeps killing him says Okay, Fuck This, and challenges HamHel for Captainship of team Cones, revealing himself as Florida Man at the same time. Ryan: "bullets everywhere!" Comona: "You know its not hard to get a license for one of those in florida." Ryan: "absolutely not, no." Jay: "yeah, you know how it is." Ryan: "Miami days, baby!" Jay: "they need something to defend themselves against the alligators." Truly there is not one OUNCE of respect in how hamhel fights larry its very funny. Multiple pointless footstools. Drags him just far enough offstage his stand can't save him even after mashing out and he falls anyway, hamhel eating a lost stock just to fuck with him. Larry loses. Jay: "if Larry wants to be captain, he's gonna have to put in as much work into this as hamburger helper has, and that's a LOT of work."

Team cash money vs. Team clutch. Funny Punch Approacheth.

Yung Papaya has a condo in new donk city with a full window view of where it all started, which requires not just money but Connections! Potentially political ones! This is never elaborated on!

Funny Punch <3

Super mario 64 type music is basically always what's playing in ICEEs head. Just pure chipper video game elevator music

Deeply funny in retrospect that Alabaster claimed in his attempt to trash talk in CPUK Red that atleast his list of opponents hes lost to doesn't include a bear. when he has objectively also lost to Icee specifically and in fact managed to lose 4 stocks in a three stock game to him because swoku shared him one. He has Extremely Lost To A Bear. Its just that noone remembers it because Alabaster has lost to A Lot Of People. So noone cares to check! Funny how that works.

Team Cross vs. Team Chonk! Minecraft steve continues to be uncooperative and blora hates his ass so bad. Round one goes poorly for them. Jay, after team chonk Got Their Asses, talking about the Grunk taking out steve's last stock: "God. There's a timeline out there where we just witnessed our first fighter Death." Ryan: "well. second fighter death." Jay, who also died: "oh COME ON, he GOT BETTER!"

Team Charm vs Team Crimson. Jay: "i dont feel that either team is strong enough over the other team to be comfortable betting on this, im keeping my wallet closed." lmao. el oh el

Ryan: "team crimson has a- this weird sort of inverse synergy, their discord just works in their favor, I don't get how that works." Well you see ryan there's a concept you were perhaps forgetting at that point in time called kismesistude- /j

Of course right after i say this, the first obvious instance of Dani's intentional sabotage happens. rights gets shield broken, captain crim is about to finish out the kill with a nice disrespectful fully charged smash attack, and Dantoinette Gets Him with her lance, and the commentators start speculating with astonishment about her potential secret heroism. Jay: "I'm beginning to wonder- Captain Crimson, member of the Crimson- isnt really on a full team per se, are they? Crimson doesn't really have followers?" Ryan: "No, not really anymore after Iggy."

Dani's record pays a bit for her sabotaging her partner in a lost set against team charm. Captain Crimson is reported to be… in a bit of a strange daze.

Captain Crimson, described as getting shaky and angry: "Listen, we need to talk-" he tries, but Dani just ignores him and starts the next fight. Jay: "she just… keeps attacking Captain Crimson." Ryan: "yeah its a bit fucked up."

Captain Crimson demands a grudge match. Valentine briefly flickers into control before Crimson quickly takes it back. And the fucked thing is Captain Crimson actually manages to win this fight, two stocks up, and i think thats the best a Falcon's technically ever done against Dani. Then they continue as partners into the final round. Crimson doesn't do anything because he won that grudge match, they just. move on. even though he's fully, clearly onto what's happening here now. I fully forgot this fight happened. but it sure is Interesting.

Team Craken vs. Charm is, lore and bitwise, uneventful, but kind of insane its a fun watch

Jay got sent to hell on accident for a few days of his Being Dead time. Front desk gave him the wrong room number, you know how it is.

Dantoinette is spotted off to the side, discussing something with Big Yopper and The Grunk, her team's next opponents. Squid Jenny isn't able to catch whats actually said.

Team Cash vs. Team Cross. Green greens. Three SDs in the beginning of the first match, none of which being Icee. YP rage quit, losing all his stocks stupidly, then took a share stock, and then icee immediately lost his last stock. Its just a truly stupid match in the best way. Ryan: "and for the second time we have Yung Papaya demanding the banning of a stage, he lost the first time, we're not gonna field it again." Icee reassures YP that they'll get 'em next round.

Team Crimson vs. Team Chonk. Comona: "I know we're expecting possibly some collusion here but you know what I think? I think she was just over there trashtalking, like 'I don't care if this guy gets in my way at all, i don't care if he tells you to be careful of dantoinette, you BETTER be careful of me, because I can wreck your shit all by myself.' And everybody knows that she can." Ryan: "absolutely." explaining that shes treating this match like shes 1v3ing to an old man she keeps bullying and the guy her partner Literally Got Killed and telling them if he tells you to be careful, to treat her like a ticking fucking time bomb right now hes right you fucking better if you know what's good for you. like. GIRL? Also love the idea that crimson's warned people about her having one of her Moments enough times that its something she's getting passive aggressive about here. 'i dont care if he tells you to be careful of me because yknow what hes right you SHOULD be' lmao. sure sounds like you care. just a little perhaps.

Alfred joins call just to roast Big Yopper at length, calling him a fake bitch and arguing a little with Comona and Jay about it.

#BigFlopperHategang

Ryan: "so if one of that team's members were something different you'd be able to support team chonk? If it was say, hamburger helper?" Alfred, also a known hamhel hater: "what is wrong with you? Do you think this is a game?"

After Dani promises team Chonk to treat this set like a 3 v 1, she starts doing Considerably Worse, losing each of her stocks earliest in the second match. Captain Crimson is responsible for winning their team the set, team chonk taking out dani, making her get out first, then Captain Crim taking out Both members of team chonk back to back immediately after in an Admittedly Pretty Clutch Set Of Maneuvers. Alfred: "...I've become a Crimson stan." Jay: "I don't think you have a choice, I think EVERYONE'S a crimson stan now." Comona: "Look at me. Look at me. You're a Crimson Stan now." guess we figured out which episode peppermint saw first /j

Team Charm Vs. Team Cash. With all of the robots gaining sentience and forging their own identities this show has its funny to remember the first one was rights who was built for defending the rights of queer people and gained sentience, looked at their purpose, and went 'yep got it in one' and continued to do it but with slightly more of a personal, self-invested touch. I mean technically Mac's the same, had no issue with his assigned purpose, but in a less well-adjusted way given his purpose was 'be google but better and Win.'

Ryan: "I know you said you were probably only gonna stay for one match but I think the next one is pretty pertinent to you, Alfred." Alfred: "what is it?" Ryan: "Big Yopper vs Yung Papaya." Alfred: *almost demonic noise of hatred and disgust* "you can't say that. dont do this to me." He does leave but it was funny

Comona, after Icee gets a kill: "wow, Icee is just The Silent Killer, isn't he." Ryan: "Yeah I look away for one second and someones dead and im like 'oh yeah icees just kinda there, huh." Funny little bear minding his own business being smiley and unbothered (he is capable of being SO efficiently violent)

Jay, watching cash money gain advantage because yp and icee keep dunking chonk in the water: "yeah, big yopper doesn't like water, hes kind of like a cat that way." Ryan: "yeah hes exactly like a cat, he doesnt like water. Also he's probably killed multiple government officials." Comona: "I don't know man I read warrior cats wasnt there a whole clan that-" (comona chokes and fails to finish the thought)

Team Chonk performs unexpectedly poorly against team cash money. Comona and Jay speculate that while they hit hard and play well, theyre not really built for Stamina, but Ryan suggests something that was said in their talk with Dani might be what has them feeling thrown off, that she'd gotten into their heads, and Jay talks about how the grunk was dead for a bit and how thats a difficult thing to come to terms with so quickly, and that they, Team Chonk, team Big Of Spirit, may have lost the will to fight. Note: Big Yopper, despite being a captain, doesn't appear again even in like, cameos iirc until G4/Squad Strike. We LOVE a toxic girlboss who can ruin the mood so bad it can make seasoned fighters like actually want to take an extended break from the scene entirely <3

Big Yopper whispers something to Yung Papaya before Team Chonk leaves, but Jenny can't catch what.

Capn Crimson's holding their head all irritated about Dantoinette, and Valentine flickers into control. With what we know about how Crimson possession works- he doesn't really seem to touch your mind exactly, at least not in the infiltration-y sense that Prism does, his possessees all seem perfectly lucid when hes not actively in control of them- he just sort of steals your body and forces you mentally into the backseat as a peanut gallery to whatever he's doing with it and if he's not currently in active control of you he can still tap into your senses- kind of suggests to me what's happening here is maybe that he's too mentally/emotionally preoccupied with what Dani's doing here to focus on staying in full control of Valentine's body? Yung Papaya's half demon exorcist dad Rod who is trapped in the body of a snake is getting very excited about it

Dantoinette shoots Valentine point blank in the chest while Valentine is in control, taking his first stock👍 its said this was necessary to finishing off the Crimson and removing it fully from Val's body. She continues to team kill repeatedly.

The commentators chatter excitedly about how her behavior all makes sense now- shes been playing the long game to free Valentine the whole time! Jay: "thats why she talked to the chonky boys! To ask them to throw!!!" Jay im sorry but i think you have a little too much faith in her. I know the rat match cometh and you will see the light but i dont think she asked them to throw. I dont think dani would ever ask anyone to throw against her even before her godkiller reputation made her worse. i think she mightve just genuinely decimated their feelings somehow.

Comona: "shes strong, shes got the mental game on lock, I don't know what to make of this except that she might be the protagonist of LIFE." Prism certainly seems to think so! Might want to dial back on the 'mental game' thing though because she has not been Even A Little Subtle about her intent to get captain crimson's ass in finals, once again, The Entire Tournament. Like shes a multi-tasking queen and the crazy son of a bitch did great but you're giving a lot of credit to her machiavellian planning when it sure does look like no aspect of this plan would have worked if. Crimson had genuinely wanted to harm her in any way. Fundamentally reliant on crimson genuinely wanting to be on a team with her.

Captain Valentine is free! They start singing a bunch of random vaguely applicable lines from unknown from M.E. Dont approve of him but gotta trust him. This partnership is only temporary. I'll be the one to set your heart free true. Cleanse yourself of them evil spirits thats in you. Dani assigned Knuckles. Dani gets knocked out of the match and Val cinches the 2v1 for the both of them.

Commentators give Dani extensive credit for 'basically fighting by herself the whole tournament' while trying to exorcise Valentine as though she was 3v1ing the whole time, calling her 'the most powerful person theyve ever seen.' They aint wrong about the Strongest thing necessarily but. Points at crimson legit carrying at certain points despite his teammate being actively hostile. And the commentators ascribing machiavellian intelligence and planning to something that really doesn't appear all that complicated and was executed in a kinda scuffed on-the-fly way that Would Have Failed if Crimson hadn't kept rolling with her even after her intentions were being made blatantly clear, had to feel some kinda way for Dani 'how dare you throw against me ive gotta Earn it you piece of shit' dantoinette. Dani gotta be feeling some typa way about all this not necessarily earned credit for stabbing a guy in the back who only ever got understandably frustrated with her for Attempting to Stab Him In The Back and even then let it slide assuming she was just being a gloryhound and continuing to trust her right up until she shot him out of his host's chest. Or maybe she's not, at least not yet. As we know, "Dani's more of a fighter than a thinker." - johannsen, ncct4

Speaking of, Dantoinette stands up. Shes making a quick announcement. She says shes done everything she needed to do here. She stopped the demon. She brought back valentine. The crowd erupts. And she is Leaving. Valentine can fight her rat. She'll like. be back probably. Bye. Valentine is disappointed by her complete disinterest in even humoring him and leaving him to fight her rat.

Noone expects secret Johannsen. very talented rat equipped with tasers.

Jay: "i know this is just a normal rat but… isnt this rat looking a little big?" Ryan and Comona: "It's from new york."

Jay: "I know im gonna get weird looks for this but i dont think normal rats are yellow." Ryan: "you haven't been to Manhattan. You haven't been to Piss Rat Central Station." Comona: "thats so close to what ive heard actual new yorkers call that place."

Comona: "i think Dani mightve… you know that grudge match with-" Ryan: "Captain Crimson at the time, yeah-" Comona: "i think she might have thrown that match to stay on a team with him- to stay in his good graces, or else he might have quit?" bold of you to claim Dantoinette would throw under any circumstances even before she apparently Got Worse. She was already Fucking Fuming about even the Idea that ICEE was bracket dodging to not rematch her in 9. That bit is actually Not new.

YOUR NEW CPU KERFUFFLE CHAMPION: DANTOINETTES PET FUCKING RAT. Valentine is seething.

Jay: "yknow if i was captain valentine right now i would be thinking of going and finding some NEW crimson. I'd be salty. I'd be Mad." Comona: "Captain Valentine has been fighting this demon inside of him so long and he finally gets exorcised, he gets brought out, Dantoinette's like 'cmon we're winning this' he gets the final kill and he feels like a badass and everybodys chanting his name and Dantoinette's like 'fight my rat.' And then he LOSES to it, like the FUCK man!!" Ryan: "Dantoinette is a disrespectful motherfucker to the end."

Comona: "shes like traveling through a dimensional wormhole right now laughing her ass off cause she knows this man's about to get bodied by a RAT." Jay: "on the whole of it, in her broad strokes, shes a good person, right? But at the finer points of her? She's a shitter." Ryan: "yeah, she's a piece of shit. She's a gamer, that's what it is. She'll be back one day- she's made it clear she OWNS cpu kerfuffle, she's just handing things off to the rat so she can go play a game she actually WANTS to play."

And so the crimson arc ends as it began- on the burning bridge of a messy gay breakup along moral lines! /j

Been rewatching bits and pieces of cpuk season one for fun and taking notes of funny stuff we dont talk about much in the discord and thinking abt it in the context of later seasons/information and its very fun. This is stuff from 1-5 (will likely update as i get further in this partial rewatch, under readmore for spoilers of later parts of the series and keeping the post short)

Hamhel and dadondorf apparently taught jimbo 'butt/butts' is a swear word but 'fuck' isnt. Jimbo is really interested in music as we know but also distinctly very bad at it. Jimbo's biological parents are dead, but left him a LOT of money and as a result spending too much money on shit he doesn't need became his favorite coping mechanism and, following the divorce, he used up all of his inheritance money and started dipping into the family funds, which is when Dadon and him start having Problems. Jimbo is extremely hamhel's kid neither of them should be trusted with any kind of power. Jimbo, i know you've been through a lot and the dad that was demonstrably better at connecting with you is being Fucked Up And Evil Right Now but honey, the shopping addiction is not gonna make your life any stabler. listen to zzzzzzoey. go to therapy. 'Jimbo tried to summon satan to kill his dad' is a thing thats said. Which. gestures in crimson's general direction. funny. Jimbo is peak 'remember when you were 15 and convinced you were evil and irredeemable but really you were just 15' except at this point hes like, 13 max im pretty sure and also hes Really stupid (affectionate.) (CPUK1)

Dadondorf is personal friends with Cranky Kong. Hamhel claims he threw a match in winners finals against Dad to give him a fighting chance and I think he's full of shit as ever <3 Dadondorf to Jimbo: "I'm sorry, It's just- I know you miss your other dad, but we'll get through this together." bro dont talk to me about to wring hamhel's dumbass neck, you dumb son of a bitch meat man abandoning your family for demonic power to recapture your glory days im gonna KILL Y- hes better now its fine im fine theyre fine. man imagining what the winners finals and championship match between dadon and hamhel at the end of cpuk1 would be like with season 2-3 style voiceacted storytelling has me fucked up. itd kill me i think .

Zzzzzoey's apparently like. 18 years old in cpuk1????? If thats still canonical shes in her fuckin. early 20s now. what the Fuck. more like a cool big sister to Jimbo convincing him to go to therapy and helping him reconcile with his dad like that than a peer. (CPUK1)

Patchman apparently worships some kind of obscure scarecrow harvest god called Scarny, and either his ratspeak was kind of rusty or he genuinely briefly forgot what science was because when he called Zapmouse the work of the devil and Zapmouse corrected him by saying he was a product of science he said he didnt believe in scientology. Zapmouse is explicitly an atheist. Zapmouse also likes to use elaborate threats to get his point across. Zapmouse ended a friendship and threatened to rip out a person's teeth for patronizing him by calling him their pet to explain why they were talking to a rat. (CPUK2)

Grundy, the Grunk's brother, has a confirmed skin, he's represented by the green bowser when they talk about him during the Grunk's intro! He and the Grunk lived in Tennessee, and he's a famous and respected restauranteur specialized in Southern Comfort Food whose critical opinion is so highly respected a bad yelp review from him can tank businesses. He, and I quote, 'sucks.' they talk about grundy so much in the grunk's debut episode it's kinda funny that he's never shown up. They even raise the idea of introducing him as a fighter at some point. although considering his brother died being part of kerfuffle and then he kept doing it and let his son participate too, i dont blame him for not wanting to get involved. People apparently start beef with the Grunk sometimes just for being related to Grundy, considering sauceboss. maybe they just don't. talk anymore. (CPUK4)

Home MD really likes fish and cares about the ocean as an environment, Alfred even throwing out the idea that he wears black in grim remembrance of the Mozilla Oil Spill. i wonder if this interest was present before the time loop or if it developed during. What im asking is what came first hackshifter aquarium dates or home md getting just like really into maintaining his doctors office fish tank as a coping mechanism. Did Larry frequently get into physical altercations with litterers at the beach growing up or is that new. They say Home MD saw Finding Dory and cried. they also, unrelated, say Home is so old he canonically uses internet explorer. Fucking mean to him!!! he's like 25ish at this point in the loop! I know he has the exhaustion in his eyes of a man twice that age but leave him alone!!!!!!! (CPUK4) (Sidenote its so fucking funny to me that even during the home timeloop larry was picking fights with hamhel. He wants to kick that old mans ass so bad but it'll never happen. I think larry greets hamhel every time they meet by trying to put him in a headlock and casually failing. Their weird frenemy relationship is so funny to me)

Firefox is a Mega-Corporation that has its fingers in lots of things, the browser's just the main thing they do. So in the kerfuffleverse mozilla as a company is kinda like google as a company is in the real world. Mozillas dead as hell and Nightly hates his ass and has understandably complicated feelings about family but it's unclear in my memory if he's still like, involved with the company or the rest of his family in any way. Is nightly a disowned out of touch ex-richboy or what (CPUK4)

it is funny that the lowkey bloodlust has been whats stuck about Corn most into the present from her debut. Alfred: "corn really just put a knife to this man's (home md) neck and said 'i'm here to take your blood.'" She craves violence and always has and i respect it (CPUK4)

ICEE was a huge superfan of ICEE who got sponsored as a result of him promoting the brand through his very public love of it abd as such has some amount of unofficial pull with the company. Spriteman is not sponsored. The coca cola company does not want to be associated with Spriteman in any way, shape, or form. his sheer violent feverish devotion to that citrus soft drink is completely fucking unmarketable to them. If cpu kerfuffle wasn't distinctly unaffected by the law he'd probably be getting sued for so aggressively stanning their product in such an intensely unflattering way on a public platform. Also christ in a clown car he was stuck perfect for SO LONG he went perfect between cpuk3 and cpuk4, and didn't recover until cpuk20. This man was in a feral state and not fully in control of himself for a bit under 2 years i think? he is So rusty at being a human. In the first episode he was 'Perfect,' he seemed fairly lucid, which is. Upsetting. because it implies that he slowly lost that lucidity until he was the 's-sprite' stammering beast he was by the time g2 rolled in.

Yung Papaya's snake exorcist dad was described as being half demon before becoming a snake, and his name is actually Rod. These are some of the only things the snake priest dad remembers from his life before being transformed into a snake aside from his work as an exorcist. I have no additional commentary on this i just think its funny (CPUK5)

The Light Void is, apparently, a void of pure light and an entity that instead of consuming or encompassing things as one might imagine the maw of the void to do, allows things to take of it whatevers needed that it can give. a sort of metaphysical wellspring hammerspace of potential, it sounds like. One of the many odd, complex and multifaceted world-crafting forms of Spectrum's divinity, perhaps? its emissary, corrupted into the cbt demon, is described as having little sentience/autonomy to begin with, so it's tricky to exorcise because it lacks much of a will of its own to free, and doesn't have the capacity to desire to be freed, as it exists to serve whatever purpose its needed for. It can only speak occasionally, and it's very direct and lacks personality. (CPUK5)

In CPUK5's intros, ryan says dan is a geeksquad employee that was Sent Into The Game. Like A Normal Guy From Real Life Literally Sent Into The Video Game. Its compared repeatedly to scooby doo cyberchase. nccts stuff clarifies this is arguably pretty normal for the fighters origins but Dan was literally intentionally isekai'd here from Normal Actual Real Life to help try to deal with hamburger helper. Every Dan Is Explicitly From Another World. Also he seemed like he was having so much genuine fun fighting Al compared to his whole Comedically Tired Cosmically Tormented Everyman thing hes got going on now and also for like the whole rest of his time in even this tournament. Also apparently he fixed icee's ipod once and returned it and all the music was gone except 15 copies of ice ice baby with one under pressure. blows kiss love u dan <3

Alfred: "Alabaster Uppercut has been fighting for 27 years, and dedicated the other two to teaching children how to do the uppercut just like him" oh my god was Al already like 29 when cpuk5 happened. Is Al in his early thirties now. Also he says Al was already very respected and well-known in his home village and he was once ideologically pacifist and only signed up for cpuk because a group of other competitors viciously defamed him and his village and called him a pussy on social media and one of the village kids started getting bullied over it and that's what crossed a line with him, which is interesting. Ya boy loves the fight for the sake of the fun of the fight now but he supposedly used to Very Much Not Like Fighting Pointlessly At All? Originally more of a 'practices a martial art as a meditation and preservation of heritage' kind of guy before discovering The Joys Of Consensual Sportsman's Violence

#rewatch

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naralanis · 4 years ago

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little bumps in the road (pt. 21)

Previously, in LBitR...

Lena has to admit she’s impressed—albeit exceedingly exasperated—when Nia does not budge an inch in her resolve to keep her locked away from Lex. They young hero apparently has a stubborn streak to rival Kara’s, and at some point, Lena simply has to concede defeat, if only for the fact that Nia seems close to bursting into tears whenever she tries to explain there’s no place Lex can’t reach.

Whatever Nia has seen in her visions, it’s enough to make her adamant and completely unmoving on the matter. It hurt; Lena understood it, even if she did not agree with the decision in the slightest, but still. It hurt.

Brainy is the one who comes to collect her, a silent Nia in tow, a few hours later. Lena had only recently been allowed to walk around her room—under heavy guard—so he comes to her with a rather apologetic look when he pulls a fresh pair of handcuffs from his back pocket.

Lena offers her hands with only a resigned sigh. The cuffs barely close around the cast.

“My apologies,” Brainy says as they click into place, barely even tightened. “But we must keep up appearances.”

Nia is completely silent when Lena shoots her a look.

“This is a mistake,” Lena tries for the last time, a last-ditch effort. There’s no changing the resolve in Nia’s gaze. “We have to disable the implants—it’s the only way.”

Nia tries to remain utterly impassive, but there is a slight tremor to her lips that does not bode well. Before Lena can press further, Brainy interjects, looking apologetic. “There isn’t time,” he says, cutting through Nia’s determined silence with worry in his tone. “Supergirl has been spotted in Nevada—she’s undoubtedly on her way here. We cannot take the chance.”

Lena doesn’t try to say that they should take the chance, now more than ever. She doesn’t say that somehow, Lex will find her wherever it is they are taking her, and she’ll be powerless to stop him when he is literally inside her head.

Instead, she bites her tongue and lets DEO agents put a bag over her head. She doesn’t try to count the number of steps it takes to get to the van, or how many curves they take to this new, supposedly Lex-proof facility. She doesn’t even try to count the seconds in her head to work out how long the trip takes.

No, the entire time, Lena keeps her eyes shut and thinks.

She thinks about the miniscule implant in her skin, under a fresh layer of clean bandages changed only this morning. She thinks about the pattern in which the flashes of memories first appeared, tries to think about the memories she lost, she thinks of the blinding pain Lex’s trigger words had wreaked in her brain and her mind, physically and emotionally.

Trust me. Trust me. Trust me.

Most of all, Lena thinks about how the fuck she’s supposed to stop it from happening again.

The bag finally is taken off her head in a corridor so poorly lit Lena barely has to blink to adjust her eyes. It looks like any of the many run-of-the-mill military bunkers she’s seen in her lifetime. The main difference is the endless row of reinforced Plexiglass containment cells, all dark except for two, at the very end of the corridor.

One of them is empty; Lena assumes it will be hers. The other holds only a redheaded figure, slumped over a cot.

“Alex?” Lena breathes—the whisper comes out before she can even think about stopping it. The figure shifts ever so slightly in the cot, but Alex Danvers doesn’t deign to look her way. From where she’s standing, Lena can just see the white of fresh bandages at Alex’s temple.

The one other thing that draws Lena’s attention is the tall, brooding and stoic presence of J’onn, looming by the open cell next to Alex’s. Lena wonders why he’s here, wonders what he could possibly have to say to her, but the Martian remains utterly silent as Brainy and Nia escort her into her cell.

Once the handcuffs are off, Lena takes one step backward, and the door hisses shut; the loud click of the locking mechanism echoes eerily down the corridor, drowning out the breath that escapes Lena’s lungs.

They all stand there—well, Alex is still lying on her cot—for several moments. The air is thick with tension, and Lena wants to say something, but all she has to say are more arguments as to why what they’re doing is a terrible idea, and she already knows they will not be heard.

To Lena’s surprise, Nia’s the one to speak first.

“This—” she waves at their cells, hands trembling despite the strength and certainty she injects into her tone “—this is temporary. I promise.” Her eyes meet Lena’s framed by the blue of her Dreamer mask—it somehow makes her anguish even more apparent. She looks to where Alex is lying dejectedly in her cot, lips pulling into a thin line. “We’ll take care of Lex before he can activate the implants. I promise.”

Lena doesn’t tell her not to make promises she cannot keep. She just smiles, as frankly as she can, and lets Nia walk back down the corridor in a determined strut, Brainy following shortly after, leaving Lena behind with a pained look.

J’onn lingers. He stares directly at Lena, wordlessly for several moments, like he is staring through her soul. Lena tries very hard not to think about what she knows of Martians’ and their telepathic abilities—knowing she can’t exactly shield her own mind, instead she focuses on keeping it blank, a vast emptiness with nothing for him to find.

She can’t exactly look away—this feels like a test of sorts, and Lena has never not risen to the occasion. She’s not entirely sure she succeeds, but the silence is interminable as the tension slowly, slowly ebbs away.

Unfathomably, the Martian chuckles.

“Very good, Miss Luthor,” he says, his deep voice a rumble behind the glass of her cell. Lena cannot even begin to understand what he means.

J’onn steps closer—his eyes drift to Alex’s curled form for a moment, a glint of worry glimmering through them before they settle back on Lena. “You are more prepared for this than you think, Lena.”

The statement shocks her, enough for Lena to let her guard down for a moment. Her fist—which was clenching tightly at her side—suddenly relaxes, and it is as if the movement releases a ball of pent-up energy she has been carrying ever since her heated argument with Nia.

“Excuse me?” she says, her disbelief and confusion plain in her expression. She’s stuck in a cell, with an incapacitated Alex Danvers in the cell beside her to boot. They’re essentially sitting ducks for Lex.

“You are not as vulnerable as you think you are,” J’onn continues, as if he had read her… wait. He smiles, following her realization with something akin to amusement.

“I have a mind-control device in my head,” she says matter-of-factly, eyes narrowing. “I’d say that’s pretty vulnerable, especially now that I’m being left stranded here with no recourse.”

“Lena. You know. And knowing is half the battle,” J’onn murmurs cryptically.

Lena’s good fist clenches again, her aggravation evident. “I can’t win half a battle,” she hisses.

J’onn shakes his head, like he’s discussing something with a child who can’t comprehend a fairly simple concept—it only serves to irk her further. “Lena. You know about the implant.”

“Yes!” She half-yells. “I know about the implant, I know how it works, I even know how Lex put it in my head! But I also know there’s nothing I can do about it. So tell me, J’onn, what good is knowing all of this if I can’t use it??

J’onn regards her pensively for a moment—that hint of amusement that glimmered in his eyes is gone; however, it looks as if it has been replaced with something else entirely.

He looks impressed.

“Lena,” he says, and his voice is… encouraging? Optimistic? “You said it yourself. You know you have a mind-control device in your head. You are aware Lex will use it at any point. And thus, if you are aware…” he trails off, taking a step back and eyeing Lena knowingly.

Lena feels her jaw slackening, her fist unclenching. The hand encased in her cast throbs mildly, just enough to remind her of how she stopped what Lex had triggered. She thinks of his words, thinks about the blinding shock that seized her psyche when he did it, of how it pulsed inside her skull, white-hot and agonizing.

She thinks of how she expects it to happen, literally any minute now, how Lex’s words seem to have been swirling in her head ever since he used them against her.

Trust me. Trust me. Trust me.

The Martian’s smile returns as he follows Lena’s train of thought.

“You know, Lena,” he repeats, beginning to walk away. “That means you are prepared.”

<< Previous || Next >>>

#nara's word vomit #LBitR #supergirl #supercorp #lena luthor #kara danvers #fic writing #femslash #I ACCIDENTALLY MADE THIS LONGER WHOOPSIE #SORRY #but we are close to done I promise #I just could not resist A Little More #and also #brain cannot just pick One Lane and Stick With It

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sugako · 4 years ago

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alfajores y mentiras

timeskip!oikawa x reader

sum: after faking dating oikawa for a few months things start to heat up between the two of you and come to a head one night

cw: 18+ minors dni, nsfw, smut, fluff, alcohol use (no one is drunk tho), mirror sex, spanking, oral (female receiving), face sitting, fingering, slight edging, size kink (implied), semi-rough sex, creampie, ‘princess’ nickname again

wc: 3.3k

a/n: part 2/2, this is mostly smut idek how it got this long but pls enjoy!! (part 1 if you want the intro)

Three months passed and being Tōru Oikawa’s fake girlfriend was just part of your life. You went to most of his games, you ate lunch and dinner together when both of your schedules allowed, and he gave you obnoxious kisses on the cheek and forehead whenever he possibly could. Each time his lips skirted a little closer to yours or his touches lingered longer and longer, but you pretended to not notice. It was nice in a way, all the emotional benefits of a relationship without actually being in one. But at the end of the night you were always alone in your bed, a wall away from him.

Any complicated thoughts you currently had about the arrangement were drowned out by booming music and the light buzz in your system from the drinks. To celebrate a new brand deal the team was partying in a club far fancier than any you had been to. Oikawa had personally chosen the tight blush mini dress you were wearily adjusting yet again. Leaning heavily against the high table, you watched as he sauntered back.

“A water, for my princess.” He set the glass in front of you and pressed a short kiss to the crown of your head. “And another drink for me.”

“Thank you, Tōru.” You hummed. The nickname had grown on you. It certainly hadn’t helped that he had started to call you it even when you were out of earshot of others.

He sipped his drink, but didn’t take his eyes off of you. Impossible to escape his intense stare, you finally met his gaze.

“What?” You asked quietly.

“You look really good tonight.” He said lowly while leaning into you. When his hot breath hit your cheek you couldn’t help but shiver.

“T-thanks, so do you. I mean, you picked out this dress, so thank you.”

With his roughened fingers, he tilted your head up.

“Can I kiss you, princess?” His normally whiney tone was low and huffy now.

“You kiss me all the time.” You giggled nervously and tapped your cheek. Pursing his lips, he took your hands into his and leaned in so his breath fanned across your face.

“I want to really kiss you.”

Gulping hard, you made no motion to move. “You’re just drunk.” You knew that was a lie. He had barely drank all night and the barely touched drink on the table beside you was only his second.

“I’m not.” His thumbs massaged the back of your hands, sending you into a confused spiral. If you really kissed him than this entire fake relationship would feel like a real relationship and you knew he didn’t want that. You wanted… well, you weren’t sure what you wanted in the long run, but right now you didn’t mind being kissed by Tōru Oikawa.

“Okay, uh, yeah, go ahead then.” You stammered out.

With your soft ‘go ahead’ his lips were attached to yours. You had expected his touch to be rough and lust-filled, but instead he was kind and passionate. Any concerned you had about the nature of your feelings were pushed aside when his hands slinked lowly around your hips. When he finally pulled away, you were both panting hard.

“It’s late. I wanna go home.” He gulped down a little of his drink and grabbed your purse, practically dragging you out of the club. If anyone noticed your quick departure, they didn’t say anything. In seconds he had hailed a cab and you were on your way back to your apartment.

He was uncharacteristically silent, obviously deep in thought, but his hand closest to you kneaded deeply in the soft flesh of your bare thigh. Attempting to keep from squirming, you clutched onto your seatbelt as though it would keep you grounded. As soon as the cab stopped and you had paid and tipped the kind driver, Oikawa was dragging you away. His hand was still clamped tightly over yours when you stepped into the elevator together.

You couldn’t begin to wonder what was going on in his head, but you had other thoughts on your mind.

“Tōru?” You asked quietly as the machine whirred and began quickly moving up the levels.

“Hm?” He finally looked at you, eyes hungry and sparkling.

“Can we kiss again?”

He responded by clutching you around the waist and meeting you with another deep kiss. You felt his hot tongue poke just past your lips, demanding entrance. Without hesitation, you offered it to him, moaning as he pulled you impossibly closer. Only when the elevator dings that you’re on your floor do you separate again. As you step out into your hallway, he speaks at last.

“Come over.” He says, already dragging you toward his door. You hum in agreement.

If you really wanted to, you could tear your hand out of his or speak up. But you don’t. When he gets the door open, he shoves you through and slams it behind him, backing you up against it. Your small purse drops from your hands onto the floor as you leaf your fingers through his soft brown hair. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this.” His mouth latches onto your neck and you cry out. “And tonight in this fucking dress.” Large hands snake down from the sides of your ribcage to the hem of the dress. “I just… fuck, I want to keep doing this with you, but I…”

His head slumps toward the floor, eyes downcast. You reach out and cradle his face in your hands to force him to look at you.

“You what, Tōru?” The look of concern on your face in genuine as he looks as though he may cry any second.

“I want to keep acting like you’re my girlfriend, but I don’t think it’s acting if I actually like you.” He paused to take a breath. “We’ve been friends for a little while and I’ve always thought you were cute and I really like spending time with you, but now… I couldn’t imagine ending this.” Oikawa’s pale cheeks flushed as he awaited your answer.

“Me either.” You whispered, wholly unable to contain your grin. He brought you into a bone crushing embrace, sighing deeply against your shoulder.

The moment, while awfully sweet, was stung by your overwhelming need to keep touching him. Your hands freely roamed up and down his back, eliciting a small, breathy moan from him. He lifted his head off your shoulder to capture your lips yet again. You tugged away at his jacket, which he quickly discard on the floor. His hands squeezed into your ass before he crouched just enough to wrap both hands around your thighs.

“Jump, princess.”

You didn’t need to be told twice. With your arms wrapped around his shoulders and legs around his torso, Oikawa hoisted you up. The stretchy fabric of your dress hiked up to reveal your scant white, lacey thong. His eyes rolled into the back of his head at the sight. You kept sloppily kissing what little exposed skin you could above the collar of his dress shirt.

Before moving he kicked off his shoes and helped you take off your own with one hand. When his hand came back up to cup your ass, he moved just a little too sharply, accidentally smacking you. A jagged moan forced its way out of your throat before you could think about what you were doing. You could practically hear the gears turning in his head. He let out a short, wicked laugh.

“Very interesting…” he mused, beginning to walk toward his bedroom. After nudging open the door with one hand he brought it down on your bare ass hard. The sharp sting went straight to your pussy. This time, you tried to silence your much louder cry against his shoulder. “Whoopsie, my bad.” He snickered and turned on a soft lamp in the corner of the room.

His arms dropped you onto his low bed and he immediately began undressing. You glanced around the clean and fairly barren room, trying to figure out why it felt so large even though it wasn’t. At last the answer was right in front of you when you met your own face in the wall mirror that spanned over his sliding closet beside the bed. His devilish eyes met yours in the mirror when he had freed himself everything except his boxer briefs.

Your mouth drooled at the thick outline that pressed against the soft black fabric. Finally, you tore your eyes away from the mirror to really look at him. Unable to wait for him, you tore the dress off over your head as the bed dipped beside you. Not having worn a bra, since it wasn’t needed with the dress, left you only in your soaked panties.

Oikawa barely admired your body before latching onto one of your breasts. His tongue circled your hardening nipple while he eagerly sucked and nipped at your sensitive skin. With one free hand he toyed with the opposite breast. The other hand smoothed up and down the skin on the inside of your thighs, just barely brushing against your clothed mound. The thong left little up to the imagination and barely covered you, but that wasn’t a concern you had right now.

Just as his long fingers finally cupped your damp sex, he popped himself off your chest to press a wet kiss against your lips.

“So wet already, princess.” He said with a grin. You whimpered as he tugged the lace of your panties and the rough fabric brought needed friction against your clit. “And so sensitive too.” He cooed down to you. “Has anyone touched this little pussy since we started going out? Hmm?” His thumb pressed down hard just above your clit, the sensation driving a sharp cry from you.

“N-no,” you breathlessly sputtered out, “No one.” You gasp when you hear the soft squelching noise from how he’s kneading your cunt.

“I bet you could cum just from this, huh?”

“Uh-huh,” your whine is lewd. It’s almost infuriating to agree with him, but you do anyway, too swept up in the feeling. The soaked fabric and his fingers work in a steady rhythm against you. The sparks build up in your stomach, tightening that familiar coil. Your squirming under his every hot touch, hips bucking up to meet his motions. Just as you feel yourself nearing the edge, he pulls away and yanks you up with him. He yanks the flimsy fabric off of you and tosses it onto the ground.

He kisses away the disappointed look on your face. “I’ll make you cum in your panties another day, baby, I promise. C’mere,” He leans back horizontal on the bed, “Don’t be shy now.”

Confused and heart racing, you do what you expect him to want and reach out to palm his cock. The angry red tip is peeking out just under the band, leaking a bead of precum onto his toned lower abdomen. When he laughs, you yank your hand away in shame, worried to ask what you did that was so funny.

“No, no, I’m sorry. I meant come here and sit on my face.” He says slowly so you can hear every word.

“Oh, I, uh… yeah, okay.” The words barely make it past your flustered lips as you crawl up his body. He helps adjust you over his broad shoulders, fingertips digging into your hips as he lowers you down. Only when you relax and look up do you realize you’re facing yourself again. From his position on the bed, Oikawa, rolls his eyes back just enough to watch you when he takes his first lick.

“Watch me make you cum.” He says quietly, the little hums from his voice vibrating into you. When he feels your body tense again, he slaps your ass just enough to jolt your clit against the tip of his nose. You twitch under the sensation, having been so close to release just moments ago.

Your eyes are locked to where his tongue is endlessly lapping up your slick. The transfixing image forcing your hips to twitch and buck against him every so often. He encourages every soft whimper and moan you make with a deep, vibrating grumble between your thighs. When his tongue forces its way into your drooling hole you actually cry out, hands crashing against the top of his head to tug at his soft hair.

His sweet, wide brown eyes meet yours clouded by lust. Your thighs are shaking around his head by the time he’s done fucking you with his tongue, but before you can relax he’s attaching himself to your pulsing clit.

“Tōru, gonna, hnngh… gonna cum.” Your voice is hoarse and ragged as you’re watching all of your own movements in the spotless mirror.

It doesn’t take much to set you over the edge. You can’t really tell what he’s doing, all you feel is pleasure as that tight coil snaps and your thighs clamp down on either side of his head. His sturdy hands keep you upright as your hips thrash against him. You can feel the hot wet drip of your own cum sliding down your thigh as he messily laps you up, easing you through the shattering orgasm.

When you settle at last, he scoots out from under you and holds you in his arm, still facing the mirror. He shifts you into his lap, spreading your legs apart with his own. You watch as your soaked cunt continues to clench around nothing. One of his hands holds you upright against him while the other caresses through your folds. He easily slips one finger into your hole, sighing happily as he lightly rests his chin on your shoulder to watch.

“Look at yourself, princess. Such a pretty little pussy and it sucks my fingers in so well.” He added a second, long finger and scissored them inside of you. It should have been more embarrassing, but your eyes remained locked exactly where his fingers were pumping and curling into you.

“Want you.” You huffed, trying to catch your breath. His cock was pressed just against the lowest part of your back and you could feel that he craved you too.

“You can have me soon, I’m just making sure you can take me.” He punctuated his words with a particularly wide sweep of his fingers that made you crumble against him.

“I-I can take you.” You argued. Happy with how you had relaxed around his fingers and not wanting to wait a minute longer, he popped his fingers out of your tight hole. He displayed his drenched hand for you. When he separated his fingers they remained obscenely connected by your thick cum.

“You’re so cute.” His voice almost sounded casual as he nuzzled into your neck. Frustrated with the wait, you literally took matters into your own hands, taking his slick-cover hand into yours and sucking off his fingers. Your hips rutted back into his cock, hard. Oikawa shuddered against you with a broken gasp. “And a tease.”

He ripped his hand from your mouth and threw you to lay normally on the bed. In seconds, he was looming over you again, pressing soft, cuddly kisses against your lips. Your grabbing hands found his waistband and tugged down until his cock was free. It slapped against your tummy while he shuffled to pull the underwear off the rest of the way.

You pulled him in for a deep kiss, desperately trying to lift your hips up to meet his. The thick length of his cock brushed against your slit with every slight movement of his hip. You realized he had been right to prep you so much. He was large. It shouldn’t have been surprising considering he was a taller guy, but you hadn’t expected such girth and length.

“Want me to fuck you?” He whispered when you pulled away from one another.

“Yes, please, please.”

His classic grinning smirk was back as he lined himself up with your entrance.

“No need to beg, princess.” He eased the tip in, grunting as he tried to move slowly. “You’re so tight even after all my hard work.” His overly whiney tone is enough to somewhat snap you out of your lovey lust-clouded haze.

“You didn’t work that hard.” You try to scoff, but it turns into a choke when he slips a couple more inches in, stopping just at the thickest point of his shaft. You whine and quiver below him, gripping onto his muscles shoulders to keep grounded. The stretch burns delicious inside of you and you can’t wait until you can take him all the way.

“What was that?” He hums. Part of you wants so badly to just submit and take back what you said, but another more devious part decides to push back.

“If you worked so hard then it shouldn’t be so hard for you to fuck me.” Your softer tone betrays the playfully biting words, but it’s enough to make him nearly bottom out in you.

“It wouldn’t be hard for me to fuck you. I’m just letting your tight pussy get used to this big cock.”

You can’t help as you flutter around his length at the words. The slight movement is enough to suck him in the rest of the way. You loudly moan into his ear when his tight balls lightly tap against your ass.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” you sigh, trying to relax around him. As much as you want him to fuck you hard right there, you know you have to wait.

“Tell me when you’re ready, baby.” He hums, watching as your eyebrows knit in frustration. Taking one arm that’s propping him up over your frame, he reaches down to press at your clit, hoping to offer some distraction while you’re being molded to his shape.

You were struggling to focus on anything other than his cock splitting you. His nimble fingers brushing warmly against your clit was just enough to lull you into comfort.

“Ready.” You puffed out.

“Y-yeah?” Oikawa moaned as he slowly pulled himself almost all the way out of before evenly sliding back in. He continued on like this, going slow and deep inside of you until you were clawing at his back and demanding more.

“Please, harder.”

Your plead is immediately heard by Oikawa who kisses you softly on the temple. “Of course, princess.” His tone is gentle in comparison to his hips that immediately snap into you. The force is almost startling and his speed matches it.

His stamina seems endless as he ruts into you like he’s feral. Your body is burning with pleasure, so pleased to be filled up with him, you almost don’t notice when his fingers start to toy with your clit again. He’s panting little huffs into your ear, whispering sweet praises and nothings. His honeyed words only encourage you to cum faster.

You legs wrap around his middle, forcing his hips in closer, as you cry out beneat him. It’s too much, convulsing around his thick cock. Your cunt sporadically clamps around him, desperately trying to keep him in place as he fucks you through it. Fucked out, you limply hang onto him. Your head lolls to the side to simply watch the two of you in the mirror once again, lips parted as you gasped for air.

“Mmh, good girl.” He kisses you sloppily, grinning as he notices you watching yourself get fucked into the mattress. His words make your pulsing center flutter around him again and you feel his perfect thrusts start to get a little sloppy.

“You gonna cum?” You slur out, rubbing small circles into the muscles of his back. “You wanna cum in me?”

“Y-yeah, gonna cum in that perfect tight little pussy, princess.” He chokes out, hips stuttering. He sheaths himself all the way inside of you, shallowly pumping as his cum shoots inside of you. You’re holding him close, sighing into his skin at the way his hot cum fills you up. He catches your mouth in a sweet, but messy kiss as the last of his seed spurts into you.

“We should’ve started actually dating a long time ago.”

#oikawa x reader #toru oikawa x reader #oikawa toru x reader #oikawa x you #oikawa x y/n #hq smut #oikawa smut #toru oikawa smut #oikawa toru smut

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musclesandhammering · 3 years ago

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Non-Controversial Loki Headcanons for These Trying Times

1.) Loki has had dozens of Midgard-based aliases over the years, for no other reason than the fact that he was bored and it was funny. DB Cooper was one of them. Hank Williams was another. He may or may not have even pretended to be a vampire at some point.

2.) Loki can definitely sing. Not just in a funny ironic way, but like.. he actually enjoys singing. It shouldn’t even come as a surprise considering he’s such a fine arts nerd, but yeah. He plays the guitar too. Surprisingly folksy.

3.) Loki’s rooms in Asgard literally look like a witch’s lair. I mean straight up spooky. All dark earth tones, spellbooks strewn everywhere, runes drawn on the walls to keep certain big brothers from messing with things they have no business messing with, vials of poisonous stuff sitting on every available surface, shelves full of strange little trinkets and talismans, a dramatic ass medieval-looking bed, a whole ass cauldron… and then in the corner on a stand there’s his Hank Williams Guitar aasdfghhjkl-

4.) When people call Loki a witch, they’re not joking. He’s. Like. An actual stereotypical, like.. witch. He doesn’t just do finger wavy magic- he mixes potions, he does rune work, he recites spells, he has a cauldron.

5.) He also used to dress super witchy. Used to. Past tense. I’m talking black nail polish, lots of necklaces, rings, eyes makeup (ok maybe I wouldn’t go that far, but Loki in eyeliner would be pretty hot, right?), clothes that were like.. 15% scarier yet more fashionable than the ones he wears in canon. The only reason he toned it down was because someone whose opinion he cared about (it was Thor) made a joking comment about his appearance looking “wicked” or “evil” and it made him feel self conscious, so he changed how he dressed. :(

6.) He was rocking the whole short hair look years before Thor in Ragnarok. In fact, by pre-canon Loki’s standards, his hair in Thor 1 was even a bit too long. He did this because a.) he hates how his natural curls soften him and will do anything to get rid of them and b.) in Asgard short hair wasn’t really worn by noblemen because it symbolised servitude, so this was Loki’s subtle way of being defiant and deviating from the norm.

7.) As Frigga said in Endgame, Loki is very good at sneaking. Even when he’s not trying to. There have been many-an-accident in the Palace of Asgard because he unintentionally almost gave Thor a heart attack.

8.) Loki and Thor weren’t always at each other’s throats. They actually got along pretty well up until Odin started planning for the coronation. Loki was still jealous of the way Thor was treated compared to the way he was treated, but he knew that wasn’t Thor’s fault- not really. And Thor was still arrogant and entitled, but that was mostly directed at other people and not his own family, so while Loki knew about Thor’s character flaws, it didn’t really effect him personally. When the planning started, though, Thor gradually became even more superior and insufferable than normal, and Loki became even more bitter and unsettled, and their relationship just kind of went downhill from there.

9.) Loki absolutely joined the Mile High Club with that flight attendant from the first episode of the show. Her name was Florence and she was adorable, Loki thought so too.

10.) Loki’s the only person on Asgard who can beat Volstagg at an eating competition. He has a giant’s metabolism, after all. And, contrary to his elegant and refined tastes in most other areas, he’s actually a straight-up carnivore. I mean he eats other foods too, obviously, but meats are by far his favourites. Boar, fish, poultry, steak. Just meats. He doesn’t know it, but this is because frost giants are mostly carnivorous.

11.) His relationship with the Warriors 4 was always split down the middle. He and Sif always hated each other. Hogun never trusted him and Loki never had any interest in spending time with Hogun. Fandral and Volstagg, on the other hand, were always much nicer and Loki always sort of considered them his friends as well as Thor’s. This is why they were more reluctant to believe that he’d let the frost giants in in Thor 1.

12.) I refuse to believe Loki doesn’t have at least one tattoo somewhere. Probably more. Probably of a snake. The only parts of his body we didn’t see naked in Episode 1 were his thighs, lower back, knee area, pelvic region, and the back of his neck. So it’s gotta be in one of those places. (Might I suggest: snake thigh tattoo, tiny nape tat, goth tramp stamp lol, rune tat behind his ear, Norse mythos leg tat, badass above-dick tattoo).

13.) Loki’s prickly and insecure and has layers like an onion, but once you get to the point of actually being friends with him, he’s a total sweetheart. I mean a literal smol dork. A bit hyperactive and excitable, but still very very soft. It’s because he’s had so few actual friends in his life.

14.) Sometimes Loki only goes a few days before his gender changes, sometimes he stays one gender for years at a time. And he tends to shapeshift his body to match. That being said, one of his biggest pet peeves is how his other-gendered clothes get all dusty and musty when they have to stay in the closet for long stretches of time. So he’s taken to wearing luxurious gowns around the house when he’s in his male form. You know, just to air them out.

15.) Loki hates sleeping with people. Sex is fine, but he’s just so solitary and paranoid that he’s never been comfortable sleeping in a bed with another person. This may or may not have gotten him in trouble a few times when his partners woke up and found him gone lol.

16.) Laufey is actually incredibly similar to Loki, the way Odin is very similar to Thor. He prefers smaller blades (ice daggers), he’s very analytical and calculating, he’s very calm and non-confrontational even when he’s in a stressful situation, and tbh he seems like a better king than Odin- much like Loki probably would’ve been a better kind than Thor. (Whoopsie this one’s a bit controversial)

17.) Loki adores animals! …But he’s also a bit obsessive about keeping his environment clean. Not organised, per se, just clean. And animals tend to be hairy and slobbery and feathery and slimy and poopy and dirty, so he’s never been able to have a pet. He just takes a lot of nature walks to compensate :)

18.) All jotuns are naturally intersex, including Loki. This is a bit unusual for Asgardians, but because Loki is genderfluid and a natural-born shapeshifter- and has always had a tendency to change his body parts around as his gender changes (male, female, both, neither)- he’s never had a reason to find it very odd. In hindsight, that was one of the many eccentricities that should have made him realise something was a little fishy with his “asgardian” genetics.

19.) The snake + stabbing story from Ragnarok was nowhere near as nefarious as Thor made it seem. What actually happened was: Someone accidentally mixed a real knife in with the blunted practice knives. Thor and Loki didn’t know this, of course, and when they were playing a battle game, Loki ended up with the real knife. When Loki “won” and went to “vanquish his enemy” he ended up actually stabbing Thor for real. They were both hysterical and it took longer to calm Loki down than his brother. It ended up just being a flesh wound, though, so everything turned out fine.

20.) A lot of people think Loki discovered his “secret passageways between worlds” from TDW through some sort of inter-realm questing or magical study or something, but in reality, he discovered them when he was like 16 and desperately trying to find a way to sneak out of Asgard without Heimdall telling his parents.

Tagging @natures-marvel & @little-s-creampuff for expressing interest. Thx for listening to my mad ravings lmao <3

#I have so many more of these it’s unreal #my musings #loki headcanons #loki laufeyson #frosty bby #long post #loki series #Thor ragnarok #thor the dark world #thor 2011 #Thor #language tw

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hiatus-for-forever · 4 years ago

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Katsuki Bakugou x Reader Soulmate AU

Summary: You want to start a business early revolving around your quirk but it leads you to find a rare case in your new school

Quirk: Red Strings. You are able to see the red strings that connect each person to their soulmate by a red string on each of their pinkies. This quirk is received by the oldest daughter in the family once they turn 4 (the parent still has it even when the child does). Sons can also have it but as a secondary quirk, it immediately gets passed down to the daughter and leaves the son with one quirk. You are able to cut it and/or tie it to yourself or other people at the cost of one year of your life for each alteration.

Genre/Warnings: Fluff, slight angst, cursing

WC: 1,725

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You still remember when you got your quirk. The day you turned four you saw the bright red strings appear, connecting everyone to each other. Some had strings that were long and crossed the streets and went around buildings, and some had their stings attached to the person next to them. They were on the floor for most of the time, occasionally stretched when two people had a strain on their relationship. They never broke though, always connected and paired by the universe, whoever it may be who controls it. They got longer when people are far from each other, and shorter when they were close.

You saw sometimes the people who were connected, passing by each other without a second thought, strangers who rarely looked back at each other as the strange feeling overcame them. You were always happy when you saw two soulmates holding hands, and felt sorry for those who passed by their soulmate with a significant other in their arms. Some people even has two strings and you thought that was so cool.

You liked to follow the strings when they were going in the same direction as you, and eventually got used to seeing them around not paying mind unless it was a short glance at two loving soulmates.

Your mom and you were the only ones who could see and interact with them, your grandma dying before you were born with not many stories left behind. She would step on them while you avoided doing so, until she said it was fine. You still didn’t like to walk over them, only the accidental step sometimes but you mostly subtly avoided them. You remember that one time you tripped on a string and those few times you had to duck or go around strained ones.

Then came when you looked at your pinkie, no bright red sting there. When you asked your mom why you didn’t have one she told you she didn’t have one at first either. She did though, you mentioned, and she said that she cut your dad’s string and tied it to her. You gasped and asked her why and she said that your dad asked for it, his original soulmate was “probably really far away anyway”. She said there was some guilt of course but 20 years of going strong it had melted away.

She even told you of a story of someone who was bitter of not having a string, she cut every string in her path and ended up dying early, passing the quirk to her first niece.

“Do you help your friends find their soulmates!?” you beamed, she smiled but shook her head.

“I can’t, I don’t have the time to with all my work. Plus, you don’t even know if they want to know. They could be happily married or something“ she said. She was right, but you wanted to lead people to their soulmates! But you couldn’t do that under the circumstances you mom had just helped you realized.

Then the thought hit you, it could be your job! You could help people and make money all at the same time and it would be the best job ever! That thought was what started your continuous studying to get into a good school, and getting into that school. To be honest you’ve never been as driven about something as much as this.

So here you were now, at the doorway of UA.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You got stares from everyone as you confidently stepped into the building, then immediately jumping and tiptoeing about in the hallways avoiding the red strings you would soon shorten. Word had already gotten around after you explained to one person why you were walking funny.

Days later you were already getting requests but you would just turn them down. Maybe just pointing to where they headed. Soon you were already making friends, especially with that one Ashido girl from the hero course who wanted so bad to find her soulmate. You wanted to tell her who it was but you couldn’t make exceptions, you guys weren’t even friends for long.

Eventually, right when the class was going into the pricing lesson, Ashido immediately jumped on you to show her where her soulmate is. So, her first initiative for today was to drag you to her table for lunch. You met the nicest people ever, the first 10 seconds that passed were great. But your pink-haired friend had already cut to the chase.

“Here, just point me to where my string leads” She said as she slid you a 500 yen coin. You took it and pointed to the kitchen, your eyes trailed from her finger to where the string led, presumably outside a window or something.

She squealed, “Okay, now do them next, they’ll pay” she said as her other friends, except Bakugou, leaned in with interest.

You chuckled and said, “Sorry I can’t. My teacher said I can’t offer services ‘til my business is official. My pricing itself isn’t complete either. I’m thinking of doing an up-front price along with a price according to how far the trip goes for them to find their soulmate. This of course will include an all expense pair trip if we ever leave the country or go on a far trip. It might be expensive for a lot of people but I really want to show them to their soulmates. I’m thinking of refunding them a portion if they cancel but if I keep doing that the business will get nowhere and no one will find their soulmate. I’m also really concerned for the people who might not have as much money so I’m thinking that the prices shouldn’t be that high. Hmm, maybe I should-”

“Geez, Y/N calm down. You’re starting to sound like Midoriya there with all your rambling” Ashido interrupted, “But I get it, you don’t have to. Dang the business course is though”

“Not as tough as the hero course though. At least then you’ll be hella rich and I can help all of you find your soulmates”

“Great!” She chirped.

They all went back to their food, and out of curiosity you looked at their hands. seeing the red string on either the left or right pinkie. But one caught your eye. There was a set of hands, no red string on neither the left nor the right pinkie. You looked up at who it belonged and were met with glaring red ruby eyes. You got a good look at him, his spiky ash blonde hair. He was pretty attractive, sad he doesn’t have a soulmate though. His glare seemed to get sharper and so you had to stuff your face in your bowl if you didn’t want trouble.

~~~~~~~~~~

Whoopsie, how’d you get into this situation? Backed up into the wall of an alleyway by this beautiful blonde. This blonde is of course mad and glaring at you like you stepped on his dog.

You did, however, find out who this man was. Bakugou Katsuki. From the sludge incident. Got the highest score in the practical entrance exam. He also got chained to a block of cement when he won gold at the sport’s festival that you couldn’t attend, not wanting to watch the strings get trampled by your doing the task given. As well as getting kidnapped by the League of Villains during the hero course’s camping trip.

You don’t know why you didn’t recognize him, not really paying attention to what all others do. But now you truly felt sorry for the guy, going through all that, probably blaming himself for All Might’s retirement, and not having someone to call his own. You don’t have to date your soulmate, and sometimes soulmate relationships fail, but it’s hard when they’re the perfect fit for you.

This man didn’t have a perfect fit. I mean, neither did you but you were fine with making people happy, and you haven’t endured half this man has.

“Let me ask you this once, why were you looking at me funny?” he gruffly demanded answers

“You sure you wanna know?” you asked nervously

“SPIT IT OUT WOMAN” he slammed his fist next to your head

“You don’t have a soulmate!” you said out of impulse

His eyes widened and his angry demeanor went away, “What?” he mumbled

“You don’t have a string” you clarified

“Well I don’t fucking need one, “ he puffed his chest out, “soulmates are bullshit anyway, don’t wanna have to trust someone like that, they’ll just become a weak spot”

“Well you wouldn’t think that when you tip over and self destruct in anger at yourself for stuff that’s not you fault” you commented as he neared you dangerously

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about”

You sighed as your lips pressed to a thin line, “Maybe I don’t, but no one will if you keep it to yourself”

“I’m fine with that”

“Sure”

He must still be in shock, you just know he’ll add it to the baggage sooner or later. You had to do something about this, he doesn’t deserve it, before he could walk away you called out, “If it makes you feel better I don’t have one either, most people with my quirk don’t have any either”

“Why would that make me feel better?”

“I can cut some string and tie it to you if you want, can’t force a good relationship though”

“No, I don’t want anyone else’s partner”

“Fine then,” you pondered, how could you help this guy out?

“Lunch. Tomorrow” he stated and left

“Huh? Okay I guess” you said hesitantly. At least it was something.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You rubbed your arm nervously. It was a Saturday and you had asked Mina for his number, where he confirmed to meet outside your dorm. No one really cared that a hero course student was coming over, instead everyone used this time to do work on each of their own businesses.

You sat at the small table set up in front of the entrance, it was circular and had a small vase of flowers at the center. You then heard a grunt and footsteps getting louder. You turned and saw Bakugou grumbling to himself as he made his way to you.

He plopped down on the seat next to you and before the awkward silence could commence he spoke up, “Why the fuck do you want to help me?”

You chuckled, a smile had danced on your lips, “Right to the chase, huh?”

His glare just hardened.

You felt your hands get clammy, “Heh, well, it is my future job. I want to make people happy”

“So you’ll just change peoples soulmates if someone pays you? Seems pretty shitty”

You gasped, feigning exaggerated offense, “I do not! For each alteration to strings I lose a year of my lifespan,” you explained

“So you’re willing to lose two years of your life to get me a soulmate?”

You nodded

“Why?”

You sighed, you contemplated whether to take his hand in yours sympathetically but decided against it, instead opting to lean forward and lower your voice, “You’ve been through a lot more than most people should at your age, I just think you would be good with someone who will fully understand you. But, now that I think about it that may be difficult so that’s why...” you trailed off

You realized how no one will fully understand him, he’s a really complex person from what you picked up. You let out a small ‘Huh’ when the thought came to you.

You looked up when you heard him sigh, he mumbled something under his breath along the lines of ‘I cant believe I’m doing this’

“Look, you can’t just take someone else’s soulmate, it won’t work out for me or that person” He then groaned, “and it’s not like you have a soulmate either so...”

You looked at him puzzled, trying to put two and two together. When you did, you had a big shit-eating smirk on your face, “What are you trying to say, Bakugou?” You asked smugly

The infamous ‘tch’ was heard when the reddening on his ears proved true to your suspicions, “Wanna go out sometime?” he begrudgingly offered

You giggled. This hotheaded blonde, known for being aggressive and somewhat the villainous type, was asking you out to a date after two conversations. One was admittedly intimate but only two conversations nonetheless

You figured, why not ply with him for a little bit?

“Hmmm... Nah, I’d rather waste two years of my life”

He growled, “Stop playing around! You’re lucky I’m even asking you out, I normally hate everyone. Plus, you can’t just connect me to some stranger!”

“We’ve had two conversations, we essentially still are strangers”

“Fucking- CALL ME KATSUKI THEN”

You froze in shock. He really was serious about this.

“...Why me?”

He relaxed, ready to give his explanation, “You’re probably the only one who gets an inkling of how I feel because of what I’ve gone through. Everyone else either holds it against me or thinks they understand me”

“Well then-”

“Alsoyou’recute”

You paused again, you saw his flushed face but it was nowhere near the steam coming from the boiling pot that was your head.

“Uh, y-you too I guess”

“Yeah I’ll see you next week, we’ll get dessert after lunch or some shit, whatever girls want to do on dates”

You scoffed at the stereotype, “Yeah, whatever you have my number,” You saved him a wink which was what made everything worth it for the sight of his face that now matched his eyes.

Part 2 cuz this ends too abrupt but its long already

#bnha x reader #mha x reader #mha imagines #bnha imagines #bakugou angst #bakugou fluff #bakugou x reader #bakugou x reader angst #bakugou x reader fluff #katsuki bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou imagine

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problematicfavesareproblematic · 4 years ago

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I Pity the Grave That Tries to Keep Me From You

Bull Randleman x Reader One-shot

Summary: it’s just fluffy angst about Bull coming back from Market Garden bc I’m a soft squishy sad little tall person who is dealing with some major feels

Warnings: shitty writing (mostly cuz I don’t feel like editing WHOOPSIE), angst, fluff, rushed ending, bleh, idk man it is what it is....

Ya’ll know I listened to Hozier’s Work Song for part of this, I didn’t even try to be subtle about it.

You don’t react when Hoobler tells you about Bull.

Martin can’t look at you, but you hug him just the same.

I’m sorry he’d blurted after he returned your embrace, voice breaking painfully. I’m so fucking sorry.

But you’d just shook your head from side to side and given him the closest thing to a reassuring smile you could muster.

Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault. I’m glad you’re here.

You weren’t sure how many times you’d said those three sentences since D-Day, but it was the only thing you could think of to say to your broken friends telling you through tearful apologies the names of the soldiers you all had loved and lost. As if it was their fault... as if they’d failed in keeping them safe for you.

Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault. I’m glad you’re here.

Martin had let out one quiet sob against your neck before stepping back and turning and leaving. Everyone let him go.

You understood- everyone grieved differently. Your grief had to wait a bit longer- you still had things to do.

No one made to stop you when you excused yourself, Webster having the presence of mind to give you a nod when you mumbled something about checking in with Nixon.

You and Bull had always known the risk of one or both of you dying- hell, you’d even discussed the likelihood of one of you dying in front of the other. You’d mentally prepared yourself as much as you could for that inevitability.

Missing, though? Missing wasn’t sitting well with you.

Becoming an intelligence officer hadn’t been a career path you’d stumbled across by mistake- you liked information, found comfort in details and strategy.

You hated being blindsided, and since you’d been small you’d gone to great lengths to ensure you never entered a situation without being fully aware of any and all potential outcomes that could occur.

Surprises aren’t always good, my darling. Remember that.

Your mother’s words had echoed in your head the first time you’d met Bull, when he’d caught you off guard by introducing himself to you in the same manner he had introduced himself to all of the other men in Easy- with solid eye contact, a firm handshake, and a gentle drawl of “Randleman, nice to meet you.”

The idea that you wouldn’t hear his voice again, in either friendly introduction or intimate devotion, made you feel achingly hollow.

“If you think something as silly as a grave can keep me from coming home to you, you got another thing coming, Little Lady”.

“That sounds like you’re saying you’re going to haunt me, Den—”

“You should be so lucky….plus, I’d make it fun, so don’t even worry about it.”

You start to walk in earnest towards the officer’s area now, biting the insides of your cheeks in an effort not to cry.

You had to keep going.

You’d promised him you would, just as you’d made him promise in kind.

When you finally found Nixon, you instantly frowned at the bruise blossoming on his forehead.

“What happened to you?” you ask, ignoring the man’s glare and walking over to get a closer look. “Looks like you tangoed with Joe Toye’s brass knuckles and lost.”

“Got shot in the helmet.” Nix grumbles at the same time Richard perks up and squints at you while asking “Toye’s got brass knuckles?”.

You wince, both in response to Nix’s injury and your accidental snitching on Joe. “Whoops.”

Lewis’s eyes catch yours and his brow softens.

You instantly know what he’s about to bring up, and shake your head preemptively.

“Lew,” you begin with a heavy sigh, only to be shushed like a child before he spoke over you.

“They don’t know anything for sure yet.” he insisted, and you knew that he knew you saw through his bullshit.

He sometimes tried to be less pessimistic when he knew you were already way ahead of him in that department, but the two of you knew each other well enough by now for you to see it for what it was- him trying to make you feel better, coddling you to make you feel better.

Lying to make you feel better.

Information is truth, everything else is probably a lie.

Your mother was a bitter cynic, but you’d also never once known her to have her heart broken.

Maybe she’d been on to something.

“Yeah,” you’d offered, quickly brushing past him to look at the map on the table. “Maybe. Anyway, when exactly did Market Garden start going to shit? Do you think we were undermanned? Were our maps wrong? Did they have unexpected weaponry….?”

Distract the sad voice in your head offered as you threw yourself into work, using the churning pain in your belly to fuel your motivation to reclaim the town.

No one gets to hurt you and get away with it. No one gets to take Bull from you and remain unpunished.

You decided then and there that you were going to make the SS bleed for what they’d done, and you knew that if Bull were there he’d tell you to rein it in.

Got murder in your eyes, darling. What’s got you so cross?

But Bull wasn’t here. And you? You had to get over it.

It’s what he would want.

You had barely slept that night, throwing yourself into rereading all of the intelligence reports until Dick finally ordered you out of the CP tent.

At first you’d fought him on it, still too afraid of being let alone with your own thoughts. But he’d been firm, literally snatching the paperwork from your trembling hands and hovering over you until you relented.

“I don’t want to see you until morning, is that understood?”

With more patience than you deserved he’d held your coat up and helped you slip into it, making a point to pull your knit hat down over your ears before turning you in the direction of where all the soldiers were sleeping.

Even though Bull had promised to be the one to haunt you, it was you who felt like the ghost.

But, like the obedient soldier you were, you walked to the spot where you and Bull had set up camp with Perconte and Luz. Neither man happened to be there at that moment, which was a small blessing because when you saw Bull’s unattended duffel bag in the same spot he’d left it that morning you’d been unable to stop the sob that slipped past your lips.

Like a child, you’d curled around his rucksack and held it close, your fingers tracing over the airborne patches that denoted it as his.

Had it truly been this morning that you’d woken up in his embrace, groaning in sleepy protest when he refused to let you out of his arms?

“Jus’ a bit longer,” he’d mumbled, bringing a leg up and over your hip to pin you beside him. “Let the boys start fightin’ without us, we’ll catch up later…”

You wish that had been possible. You wished it could have been that simple.

Tears had leaked out of your eyes as you squeezed them shut and the next time you opened them it was morning. At some point in the night either George or Frank had tossed a wool blanket over you.

For a few glorious moments, you had thought Bull’s furnace-like chest had been what was keeping you warm. The blanket was a kindness, but an unintentionally cruel one.

After rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you’d gotten yourself ready and packed up to head out.

Bull’s duffle bag seemed to be filled with bricks as you hefted it over your shoulder with your own, and with each stride you took it only became heavier. You knew the protocol- take the deceased’s belongings to CP for redistribution and personal effects collection.

It felt like defeat, as if you were giving up on him.

Defeat and reality were seeming to become one and the same, these days.

Your throat was so tight by the time you made it to CP you were barely able to explain what you were doing to Lewis, your arm trembling as you held out the pack to him.

The moment Nix had taken it from your hands, tears began to spill from your eyes and for once you did nothing to stop them.

Nixon had been about to say something to you when Perconte rushed in breathlessly with a call of your name, almost forgetting to salute Lewis when he saw him.

“Oh! Sir. Uh, Y/N- there’s, um, something you should see—”

You glared at him, trying and failing to hide the fact that you’d been crying from your friend.

“I’m in the middle of something, Perco. Can it wait?”

In the distance you could hear the sound of truck engines, and a new anxiety began to blossom in your chest at the idea of leaving Bull behind.

“But, Y/N…” he protested, clearly tongue-tied and overexcited.

“Oh my God, what?!”

“It’s Bull!”

Your blood froze in your veins, sucking in a breath that felt too big for your body.

You could feel your heartbeat behind your eyes as your lungs screamed for more air, but your body was refusing to blink or breathe or move…..

“That’s….no. W-what’re you—?”

The sight of a truck driving toward a group of Easy and Dog soldiers came to a halt, and you swore you say a familiar glimmer of sandy curls standing at least a foot above the group.

No. There’s no fucking way….

With wide eyes you turn back to Lewis, seeing an equally confused look on his face.

You barely wait for his nod of dismissal before looking to Frank again.

“C’mon, I’ll—”

You don’t wait for him to finish, sprinting away from them with a single-minded focus on reaching the horribly familiar silhouette of the man you[d begun to mourn.

Bull Bull Bull BULL DENVER BULL!?!?

With no care for decorum or professionalism, you shove people aside and rush through the throng until you violently skid to a halt before Johnny and Hoob.

And Dever fucking Randleman.

A silent sob twists your face, vision doubling as more tears well in your eyes.

It was him. It was him.

When your eyes find his, you force yourself to take a breath.

He’s dirty and scraped and a little bloody but he’s alive and he’s here and—

You throw yourself at him, arms latching around his neck and legs locking around his hips as he catches you easily in his arms.

“Oh my God,” you whisper shakily, shaking like a leaf and clutching at him as if he were the last lifeboat in a storming sea. “Oh my GOD, Den—!”

Bull’s got one arm across your backside and the other is pressing your torso to his as if he means to fuse the two of you together, his heartbeat loud and strong and powerful against your chest as he twists his cold face into your neck and just breathes you in.

You know that Martin is trying to talk to you, that someone else is telling you to take it easy but you can barely hear them through the roaring sound of life returning to your body.

When he sighs your name you swear that you’ve never heard a sound so sweet.

As you turn your head to press a kiss to his temple, you open your eyes and blink your tears away.

Of course, once you clear your eyes, you see the mess of blood staining his shoulder.

“Jesus Christ!” you gasp, untangling yourself from him in an instant and trying to get out of his arms. “Why didn’t you tell me you were hurt, you idiot?!”

Bull allows you to unwrap your legs from his waist but refuses to let you go, the arm that had been under your bottom coming up to hold the back of your head lovingly.

A pained yet playful grin breaks across his lips as he eyes you. “Oh, am I?”

You smile stupidly, sniffling at his ridiculous attempt at nonchalance.

Using his hold on the back of your neck he ducks down and presses a long, meaningful kiss to your lips. You sigh into it, and just as you cup his face in your hands someone clears their throat and you’re reminded that the two of you have an audience.

When you break apart he makes sure to wrap his good arm around your shoulders, and you wince when you catch the looks of surprise being sent your way by the replacements.

Whoops, that was certainly unprofessional….

Bill Guarnere barks a laugh as you shift uncomfortably, slinging his own bag back over his shoulder.

“Shit, if that’s the hello you give to someone who’s been MIA- I’m definitely getting lost more often!”

Martin rolls his eyes, and enough people laugh that some of the tension is broken.

You turn back to Bull and try to get him to let him show you his shoulder. But Bull has never been an easy man to physically move, especially when moving is something he doesn’t want to do.

This time is no exception.

“Let me see it,” you huff, only to have him smirk and shake his head. “Denver, I could’ve made it worse, I need to make sure—”

“Nah,” he says with a shrug he immediately regrets doing. “How about you kiss it better after Roe gets a look at it, hmm?”

As you open your mouth to reply there is a cry from above that it’s time to get moving, the reminder that there are more pressing matters to attend to shaking you from your anxious worrying.

Because it’s Bull, he hollers for his men to get on the truck as if he had been with them the whole time.

“I need to go get your stuff, our stuff from CP….”

Bull shakes his head before you’ve finished talking.

“Perco’s got it,” he says with a nod in the man’s direction. “Don’tcha buddy.”

Without waiting for a reply, Bull pulls you along with him towards the trucks, refusing to let you leave his side despite your insistence that Roe needed to take care of him.

Getting into the truck, you help unbutton his shirt so Doc can start cleaning the ragged wound on his shoulder.

Bull brings your knuckles to his lips as the truck begins to move, eyes never leaving your face as he answers Gene’s rapid-fire questions about what had happened in the time Bull had been separated from the group.

“...you lost some blood, how’d you manage not to pass out?”

With a wink in your direction Bull chuckles.

“Considered it, Doc. But then I remembered my missus here was waitn’ and thought better of it.”

You shake your head admonishingly at his explanation.

“You’re really something else, you know that Bull?”

In a move that surprised both you and the Doc, Bull used his grip on your hand to pull you so you were straddling his lap.

“Course I do, Little Lady. I’m yours.”

Well, goddamn.

“Damn right, now shut up and stop flirting.”

The smile he gave you only widened at the command.

“We’ll see, darlin’. We’ll see.”

~ ~ ~ (is it trash? Yes. But is it garbage? Also yes. Love you all and thanks for reading the feels)

taglist: @mrseasycompany @itswormtrain @mrsalwayswrite @happyveday @sunsetmando

#band of brothers imagines #band of brothers x reader #bull randleman x reader #denver randleman x reader #bull randleman imagines

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gyllenhaalstories · 4 years ago

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KINKMAS DAY 2 & 11: BLOW JOB AND PRAISE KINK WITH (frat!)TOM HOLLAND.

request: Shoot. I didn't see your Kinkmas prompt in time for BJ day. But maybe you could do this for No. 11? Frat Boy Tom seduces nerdy y/n at a Christmas party and he says she "gets" to suck him off, but first, she has to praise him, touching all his muscles and kissing his cock through his boxer briefs. He continues to demand praise as she sucks him off :)

warnings: alcohol/drinking, praising kink, hand job, blow job, curse words (mentions of christmas, but nothing religious!)

word count: 1075

gif credits: lady-birds

thank you so much for this request! i’ve never written frat!anybody before (and i accidentally fell into a 2010 kesha rabbit hole for inspiration whoopsie), so i hope this is doing the concept justice! <3

You leaned against the door frame of the kitchen, holding a red solo cup filled with orange juice and stared at the scene. The party started half an hour ago, maybe even less, but everyone was already drunk beyond belief. The cool kids from the business management faculty offered rounds and rounds of shots in between boring games of beer pong. The sports scholarship dudes were screaming and chanting. Other groups of friends just chilled on a couch or invented new cocktails on the kitchen island behind you. And your friend who dragged you there? Nowhere to be found.

You had never attended a party of this size before, so you had expectations. You heard people talk about it in the hallways, ‘the biggest event of the semester’, ‘best time to let go of the stress before the finals’, ‘all the hotties from the fraternity are gonna be there’, ‘might have a karaoke machine for Christmas songs’. The last rumour convinced you to give in your friend’s begging.

There you were: no karaoke machine in sight, only poorly arranged Christmas decorations made the evening festive. That and the scent of cinnamon pine cones. You were determined to find where it came from, it would change from the smell of cheap beer. So you left your corner and decided to explore the fraternity, promising yourself to not open any doors. You did not want to discover what happened behind them. Eventually, you climbed up the squeaky stairs and found a pretty bowl on which the pine cones were set. You found a nutcracker and some other small decorations. Someone in this fraternity cared.

“Had my eyes on you all semester.”

You jumped at the sound of the mysterious voice, dropping a glass decoration on the floor. You looked up to lock eyes with this familiar face. The wrinkles at the corner of his eyes, the cocky grin on his lips, the messy eyebrow. Stranger from the second row in your introduction to adult psychology class. It was open for all, but he was the only student that did not come from your cohort. So, obviously he caught all the attention. He was handstome too, that probably helped his case.

“I’m Tom,” he introduced himself, hands on his hips. “What’s your name, pretty girl?”

So stranger from second row had a name. And stranger from second row just confessed, or lied, about having an interest in you. You promised yourself another thing: to never attend fraternity parties ever again, weird shit happened there. You introduced yourself, darting your eyes everywhere, looking for a way to escape.

“You don’t come here often.”

“That’s very perceptive of you.” You mocked.

His jaw clenched at your words. “You wanna play it all tough and rough, huh?” He asked. It was not a question, though, it was a dare.

“I know you’ve been crushing on me all this time. Caught you staring whenever I walked into the class room.”

You wanted to comment you only stared at him because he wore golf polos all day long. Apparently, he was the most promising golfer the college ever had. You did not even know it was a title.

“I caught ya pretty mouth drooling once,” the flashbacks of that time he bent down to grab your pen that rolled away, his muscular back and ass in full action before your eyes. “You can pretend to be innocent, but I know what you really want.”

You swallowed thickly. “What is it that I want, Tom?”

He chuckled. “You gonna have to earn it for me to tell you.”

In other circumstances, you would have not given in that easily. But what was wrong? He was good looking, the interest was mutual, and he smelled of watermelon gum rather than beer and other crazy beverages. On top of that, you were bored. “I’m sorry I kept staring at you,” you started, your voice small and hesitant. “You’re just very sexy.”

He squinted, his arms clenched. “Keep going.”

“You always make the other guys in class shut up. Your commentaries are smart, that’s good, but they know they’ll never look as good as you.” He nodded, encouraging you. You could judge how narcissistic this interaction was, but you looked down at his crotch and noticed the tent rising in his pants. You were good at more things than getting straight a’s on your essays, apparently.

As your hands finally touched him, he got goosebumps. He opened the door behind you, which happened to be his room, and pushed you in. He took his shirt off, letting your hands explore his toned body. For a golfer, he certainly trained like a fitness model on Instagram.

Your finger tips tickled his abs as you moved lower.

“Been dreamin’ of touching me, yeah? Had wet dreams about me fucking you?”

You nodded with excitement, eyes wide and thighs clenching together. “Please, Tom, I need your cock so bad.”

“Prove it.”

You dropped to your knees and palmed at his buldge. He let you take his pants down, but not his boxers yet. “You’re so big Tom, bigger than I’ve dreamed of.” He moaned at your words, so you kept going. You told him about how much you’ve wanted to touch him that one time his seat was taken so he sat next to you. Your thigh brushed against his, your skin was on fire. You told him that you wished he had taken you right there and then. You told him you had come to the party hoping to finally talk to him.

All the attention and praise must have worked, because he let you slide down his underwears. His cock spring free, finally released from the fabric. The kisses you trailed on his shaft felt amazing, much more than the ones you pressed against his boxers.

“Please, Tom, please let me suck your cock.” Your tongue followed the lines of his veins before lapping at his swollen and wet tip. The fact that it all started because of some pine cones amused you.

He wanted to keep you hanging, to ear more sweet words coming out of that beautiful mouth of yours. He could not resist any longer and held himself at the base. “Good girls always get what they deserve.”

At that very moment when he hit the back of your throat, you suddenly promised yourself to never not attend those fraternity parties again.

#tom holland smut #tom holland imagine #tom holland x you #tom holland x reader #kinkmas: completed

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vespertine-legacy · 3 years ago

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Ops shenanigans tonight:

Undermanned Dread Fortress, during which we discovered during the Nefra fight that we somehow had three healers? And we had two tanks, even though I told the raid leader that SM DF only needs one tank and a dwt?

So with only two actually dps, it took a little longer than necessary to get Nefra down, whoopsies. One of the healers swapped to dps, as did one of the tanks, since I was on Eleison and could taunt when needed.

Draxus fight got a little bit squirrelly--a couple of us had been in either HM or NiM more recently and had forgotten SM mechanics, but we made it through fairly okay.

Grob’thok also got a little messy, mostly because someone ran in too far before we pulled and started the magnet, so it wasn’t where the tank expected it to be (and the tank doesn’t usually tank DF, or tanks it with someone else leading the raid and telling them what to do).

Corrupter Zero was super quick, dude melted and also pointed the wrong way for at least one of the chest lasers.

Brontes (my beloved) went fine, with some minor confusion over what we could ignore in SM, and one rogue Finger due to being undermanned that wanted to kill us all (but we didn’t let it).

Then we did an undermanned KP, with no tank (tank didn’t want to tank anymore, and decided KP doesn’t need a tank) and one healer. So I got to skank tank it. We had three marauders in the group, so on the first mob, they accidentally pulled an additional mob, and we decided to make it a meme run. So I ran ahead and grabbed the mob at the next door and brought them back down to the group (hey, I was helping everyone fluff their numbers).

Everyone did fine on the rancor, aside from one death to Eating Too Many Ground Pounds.

We got to Jarg and Sorno. Right as I asked how we were doing this, someone did a saber throw, so I put in ops chat, “I guess that’s how we’re doing it, lol.” I managed to get (and keep!) threat on both of them (woo DoT-spread), and we burned Sorno until he jumped, then wailed on Jarg, then killed Sorno, then killed Jarg.

I died at the Machinesmith somehow? Then died twice to trash on the way to the Foreman Crusher, whoops. Managed to hold the Foreman Crusher pretty well (aside from his aggro dumps, after which I was able to get him back into position), and managed my dcds decently. Nearly got killed by a Murder Droid en route to the Fabrication Droid.

Before pull on the Droid, I put in ops chat “I’m gonna die :3.” And then I did. Twice. He hits the tank pretty hard, and skank tanks go squish. But we recovered well. Made it up to Karagga without incident.

Couldn’t get Karagga to follow me? Had threat on him, but he wouldn’t move after he dropped the first fire puddle, so stood in it a little too long, and had Too Low HP Disease when he finally did start moving, and died. And had a very long cooldown on accepting the res, because I had died like 7 times. When I was able to accept the res, I immediately got the grav bomb, but didn’t see that it was on me, so didn’t cleanse it off myself but did get threat on Karagga because he was getting stuck in the corner and everyone was on fire. So I had threat, but couldn’t move, finally shrouded, but Karagga shat fire all over me right before I could get out of the way, but my valiant sacrifice was just enough for the group to finish him off.

#november plays swtor #severed hand leadership is gonna be like ayo november why did eleison spend ALL OF HER REPAIR FUNDS ON A TUESDAY #uhhhhhh died on KP 17 times...?????#'....gkick'#also i hit one of the trash droids on the way to corrupter zero for nearly 60k?#i don't remember what move it was (and it's not in the parse log since it was a trash mob)#but holy crits batman let's do that more often

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nad-zeta · 4 years ago

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Match up! (~˘▾˘)~

Hi again…can I get an Ikevamp match-up? I got curious on who I would end up with tbh😅😅😅

About myself…I never lose a temper, I am extremely shy and quiet, it’s extremely difficult for me to trust new people. I am around 5'9 feet tall, above shoulder length messy brown hair tied into a ponytail; I would be mistaken for a boy if I let my hair down. I wouldn’t even notice if they mistook me for a boy until someone addresses me as one😅😅😅. I look intimidating at first sight because 1.)I am silent most of the time, I look cold and aloof, I never smile, and 2.) I can be blunt without noticing + my difficulty of showing emotions would make them think I’m judging their soul *yikes…whoops?😅😅😅*. That intimidates most people and when in reality when I am the one who feels more intimidated by them. 😅😅

Once I warm up, I have this side that only my family and close friends know. I get along well with anybody; I won’t judge people for their race, beliefs, personality, religion, and all. It doesn’t exist here when I befriend them 😊. I have this weird sense of humor that can turn dark and morbid without noticing… 😅😅 I am like a child at Christmas when it comes to new art supplies, baking, and cooking new recipes; I love sharing it with my family and friends. I can compare my strength to a guy and I can carry heavy things without a problem😅… I love to play the guitar and I used to play the piano when I was younger and I missed playing it. I’m extremely rusty after not practicing for 7 years now😥. I can still read music notes, and it will take longer for me to navigate the piano if I play it. I mostly draw and paint right now tho…

I’m not a fan of wearing girly clothes, and I would rather stick to wearing good ol’ shirts, polo (long/short sleeves), pants, and hoodies style. I avoid drinking alcohol because I easily get tipsy; I’d turn into a loud drunk after a few sips. My friends would often keep me away from who knows what they’re reading and watching stuff… Told me that they don’t want me to taint my innocent eyes and soul or something like that…I never cuss even if I’m used to hearing my classmates swear like a sailor. The first time my friends hear me accidentally swear, they look at me in horror and demanded me to know where I got that word🤣🤣

I don’t like loud and crowded places, I would feel dizzy and suffocated if I stayed there for too long. There will be times on where I’m nowhere to be found since I would look for an isolated place somewhere around the corner for me to hide whenever I want to draw or paint. I am not really confident of my skills in drawing; I have a bad habit of hiding those from my family *which annoys them*. I have another bad habit of being stubborn whenever I got sick, and I wouldn’t even let anyone know I am unwell because I do not want anyone to worry about me. But when someone noticed, I would admit that I am sick. *I would go to school even when sick so I can finish my school works because, whenever I miss a class, there will always be some of them who would deliberately not tell me that I missed something in class so…i learned the hard way.😅* …

I easily get startled by sudden noises if I let my guard down: objects making a loud sound when they drop. I don’t know how to deal with physical affections and would probably get stiff and flustered. I’m not used to guys hugging me cuz would go stiff whenever a guy hugs me *I love hugs and all but… I’m not used to being hugged by guys… 🙁* I’m a bit of a disaster-prone whenever I’m outside, and would accidentally hit my head on lower tree branches and lower places, sometimes I would accidentally sprain my ankle on the uneven ground *if someone made me wear heels especially if it’s stilettos*. 😅😅😅

Yay: I love my coffee with a ridiculous amount of milk and with less sugar; baking, cooking, sweets, drawing, painting, digital art, music, cats, dogs, pokemon, Manga, anime.

Nay: I despise certain types of vegetables that are bitter and slimy. My face would shrivel up seeing those kinds of vegetables. Animal cruelty is a big no-no for me; I normally don’t get angry, and I forgive people within a blink of an eye *that annoys my family a lot😅* but, I will make an exception for that.

I can control my own anger, that no one can tell I am fuming.

If it’s ok with you…😅😅😅 Took me a long time to figure out how to send a more detailed one. 😂😂 I think that’s enough spilling tmi about myself… Whoopsie…😅😅 🦊🐱🦊🐱

Hi hi love! ❤🌻Thank you so much for the request! I had so much fun writing this up for ya and i hope you enjoy it dear! ❤🦊Also i hope you are keeping safe and well and have a super good day!🐇❤ Also sooooorrrry for taking 2 billion years with this! hehe so without further ado........... @xarexraven

So I match you with…………… Theo

The first time you met everyone, you were so quiet and reserved hiding behind Comte. They took one look at you and instantly thought, “oooh great another male guest.” You were wearing a hoodie and jeans and your hair tie keeping your hair in a ponytail, had just snapped as you walked through the door. Comte gave you a gentle push to introduce yourself, and one look at your intimidating face, had the entire household believing that they had another tsundere in their midst.

During dinner, you had hardly noticed that they all thought you were a boy. The residents all started retiring to their rooms after dessert, when Sebastian handed you a final cup of coffee, “Here you are sir.” Your eyes widened, and you started up at Sebastian in confusion, too shy to correct him/ That is when Comte who was still sitting beside you gave your head a gentle pat, “Sebastian it is quite rude to mistake our precious guest for a boy, especially one who is beautiful.” Both you and Sebastian were left blushing at the comment, that’s when Vincent, who was the only other resident still at the table, spoke up. “I have to agree with Comte, it is not nice to call someone so pretty, a boy.” The resident angel beamed up at you, while Sebastian apologised profusely, and through it all, the only thing you could think was, “man, this is awkward.”

The next morning after Comte explained the whole, everyone in this mansion is a vampire thing, you wandered around the mansion aimlessly. Well, that is until Napoleon came across you and grabbed your hand, dragging you to the dining room, where a feast of sugary goodness laid wait. He told you that he had made way too many pancakes and that they needed help finishing them. No one in the mansion had seen you smile yet, but at the sight of the giant stack of sugary pancakes, you couldn’t help but beam. Vincent had spotted you and flagged you over to sit next to him. “Oi knaap, don’t go hog all the pancakes, save some of the rest of us will you,” Theo loudly exclaimed as you loaded up your plate to a stack of pancakes almost as high and his. At the sound of Theo calling you a boy, Vincent narrowed his eyes at Theo and started scolding his younger brother for being so rude. Theo stared at you in disbelief but with your hair now in a pony tail he simply shrugged and gave you a new nickname “Hondjie”. With the misunderstanding finally cleared up once and for all, you made quick work of polishing off the stack of pancakes with the three men.

After lunch Vincent gave Theo a detailed list of art supplies that he needed, and at the mention of art supplies your ears perked up. Your eyes gleamed in excitement, and your cold, aloof exterior changed to one of an excited child on Christmas morning. Your cheeks were starting to hurt, that had been a record of two smiles in one day. Although even though your smiling felt weird to you, to the three me it was the most beautiful sight. Theo took notice of your enthusiasm and in his typical indifferent voice, asked if you wanted to come along for the ride. You without a second thought nodded, you basically radiated excitement as you went upstairs to put on some shoes and get a jacket. You met Theo out in the foyer, and soon the two of you made your way to the art supply store.

Comte had told you that you were free to break the bank and buy anything and everything your heart desired, on the condition that he would be able to see your first piece of art created with the new supplies.

You were so excited at the thought of new art supplies and being able to continue your passion for art, even though you were stuck in the past, that you let your guard down a little with Theo. He asked you in his usual blunt way, why you were dressed like a boy and not wearing skirts and dresses like other women. You told him that you were most comfortable wearing pants and hoodies. The way your eyes were beaming, low key reminded him of his precious brother, and he found himself low key drawn to your pure, innocent energy.

The two of you spent hours and hours picking out the perfect supplies, you were low key shook at Theo’s knowledge about art and supplies. He actually helped you pick out the best supplies for your personal drawing and painting style. After spending hours in the art shop. The two of you made your way to the waiting carriage, when Theo spotted an ice cream store, his eyes lit up at the thought of sweets. When you saw how excited he was, you suggested that the two of you investigate the shop before heading back.

For the first time in Theo van Gogh whole existence, a woman had paid for him. He was sitting across from you in the ice cream parlour while you were happily eating away at your sugary treat, still trying to process it all. You had paid as a token of thanks for him helping you pick out the best art supplies. What shocked him even more was during argument about the bill you legit gave him a deadpan look and bluntly said that you were ganna treat him no matter what. After that comment you legit left him blushing and speechless, you truly were a strange woman.

The two of you sat in silence for a few moments when you finally decided to break the ice. You curiously asked why it was that he knew so much about art, and that’s when he revealed that he was an art dealer. And so the rest of the afternoon was spent chatting about art, paintings, drawings and your mutual passion and appreciation for the trade. To say Theo was pleasantly surprised by you would be an understatement, his first impression of you was now so laughable compared to the person sitting before him. The first time he saw you, he thought you an aloof, little boy who seemed to judge him down to the very depths of his soul. Yet as he got to know you, he had come to realise that there was much more to you.

In the weeks to follow you seemed to surprise Theo more and more. The first thing that had this boy sister shook was your inhuman strength. One day as you were helping Isaac sorts out the library. The two of you had managed to fill up 2 huge boxes of junk and clutter that could be stored in the mansions attic. Isaac lifted one of the boxes and determined that it was too heavy for the both of you, so he went to call Theo or Leo who would have an easier job with doing the heavy lifting. As Theo rounded to the corner to help move the boxes, he almost rammed straight into you. “Oi hondjie, you are going to hurt yourself let me take…” As he took the box from your hands, his face started going red, and a vein in his neck started popping out. The box you had been carrying was obviously almost too heavy for him to carry, he turned around swiftly and started walking up the attic stairs. It took you no time to catch up to him carrying another heavy box of your own. At this point you could see a bead of sweat roll down his face. Theo was determined to carry this box up, there was no way he was going to be shown up by a girl, especially one that he liked. He finally made it to the top of the attic and place the box down with a huff, you had to laugh at the small blush that was still on his cheeks.

Just then out of the corner of your eye, an old piano caught your attention. Theo eyed you curiously still recovering from the blow to his ego, as you sat down on the dusty piano chair and blew the dust of the piano keys. Your fingers moved to their own accord, gliding across the keys to play a familiar song from muscle memory. Theo sat down next to you and closed his eyes to absorb the beautiful melody. As the last note echoed through the attic, Theo opened his eyes, and sapphire eyes glared down into the depths of your soul. He had honestly never in his life felt more drawn to anyone, before he could say anything your stomach gave a loud growl. It was now your turn to blush and look away in embarrassment. Theo then leads you downstairs, where he whipped you up some stroopwafels.

You tied the apron around your waist and helped Theo prepare the sugary dessert. You were so excited and happy, you loved baking and learning/exchanging new recipes. Once the two of you were done making the sweet snack, you sat down and munched on the Stroop waffles and coffee. The rest of the afternoon was spent chatting about your mutual hate for bitter slimy vegetables and love for dogs as you ate the sugary snack and sipped on coffee. This actually started a tradition between the two of you, where once in a while the two of you would exchange recipes and cook your favourite dishes together.

One day as Theo joined Comte in his room for some tea, he saw a beautiful painting hanging behind Comte, it was just filled with so much emotion. “Hey, Comte, did Vincent paint that one, I haven’t seen it before.” Comte gleamed in delight and told him that you were the artist responsible for the masterpiece and that you had given it to him as a thank you gift for the art supplies. Theo was shook, he knew you loved art but to have created such a masterpiece. He stomped his way to your room and knock on your door. He could hear shuffling from the other side, he swung the door open and spotted you throwing a heap full of tissues in the dustbin and hiding the trashcan behind you. All it took was one look at your red nose, pale face and tired eyes to know that you were clearly sick. You tried to play it off and make your way past Theo to help Sebastian with lunch service, when Theo picked you up and plonked you down on your bed. The second your head hit the pillow, your tired eyes closed and you lost consciousness. You woke a few hours later to Theo sitting by your side gently stroking your hair while placing a cold washcloth on your forehead every now and then. You stubbornly tried to convince him that you weren’t sick. Theo narrowed his eyes at you and in a soft, gentle tone said, “Hondjie can you just stop being stubborn for one minute and let me take care of you.” Theo had nursed you back to full health and you got to see a new side of Theo that you had never seen before, his sweet kind gentle side. It was actually during this time when Theo had confessed his undying love for you.

Theo love love loved your art and would insist you show him your masterpieces once you are done with them. He knew your weren't confident in your skills and would usually hide your drawings so he did what any reasonable person would do. He tickled you until you gave up the hiding spot so he could see your creation.

He also knows you don’t like crowded places or loud noises, so he actually cleared up a room for you to use as your own art room to work in peace, where no one was allowed to disturb you.

He knew you would get dizzy and feel suffocated whenever the two of you would walk through a busy crowd in the markets. So now every time the two of you cuties go out, he was sure to plan your route using back roads to avoid unnecessary crowds or he would bring King along for a walk with you. Even though King is a sweet, friendly golden retriever, he has come to love you and will do whatever it takes to protect the new member of his pack. Even if that means angry staring down people so they can part like the red sea before you and Theo.

Theo absolutely loves you to the moon and back. He loves your sweet innocent mind and will always cover your ears and glare daggers at Arthur whenever he is telling stories of previous nights conquests as he “doesn’t want Arthur to taint your innocent mind and soul.”

He absolutely loves to finally have someone around who gets his dark, morbid sense of humour and who can equally match his weird jokes. Often when the two of you are together, you would be quick-firing the weirdest jokes at each other, while being in stitches laughing at each other.

Theo also loves how you have similar beliefs as him in not judging people. It was due to this that he was completely able to open up about his past with you. You helped him to heal and grow from his past traumas. You helped catch him many a time before falling in the abyss, dragging him out back into the light.

Both of you were pretty awkward when it came to physical affection at the beginning of your relationship. However, after many, a stiff, awkward hug followed by a fit of laughter from how awkward the two of you were, eventually the two of you started to get more comfortable around each other.

Now when Theo cuddles you, as you draw him as a manga character, the two of you chuckle at the memory of how stiff and awkward it was the first time the two of you had even held hands. Theo will 100% always insist on holding your hand whenever the two of you go outside as he knows just how accident-prone you are when it comes to nature.

Ultimately Theo loves to spend quiet evenings with you snuggled up in his arms as the two of you exchange stories of each other days. He loves to read all your little manga’s you manage to create for him. Although he will never admit it, he always gets super excited when you tell him about an anime you watched or show him your newest manga drawing. He will shower you with endless amounts of hugs and cuddles from the moment you go to bed till the moment you wake up. And every morning without fail Theo will greet you with a freshly bred cup of milky coffee and a kiss.

Other potential matches…………… Vincent

I hope you enjoyed this dear and i hope you have the best day! 🦊🌻❤

#matchups #ikesen matchup #match ups #ikevamp matchup #ikevamp match up #theo ikevamp #ikevamp theodorus #Theodorus van Gogh #ikemen vampire theodorus #submission

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corruptedconfessions · 4 years ago

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Rules

Im p sure I made a rules post but I can’t find it and forgot to link it when I switched themes whoopsie :”) So here is a new one! Rules are prone to updating as I find stuff I dont want to write!

Also just to be clear! Absolutely no shame here! If you are into this stuff, I have nothing against you! I just personally find these things very uncomfortable to write!

-All characters are aged up to their 20s (or older!) but I still don’t feel comfortable doing requests characters with large age gaps. (Shinsou and Aizawa, Deku and All Might, ect) I do do poly!Stuff but this just makes me personally uncomfortable and I won’t write it.

-I wont write stuff placed in UA/Highschool settings, All my characters will be aged up to 20+ years old, and they will all be pro heros or independent adults based off of the plot of the fic

-If your request contains non-con I might not do it, or it might take a longer time to write. Please be patient with me, and I promise ill do my best to get requests out as fast as I can!

-I won’t do detailed works of extreme violence/domestic abuse towards darlings. I might do quick fics or headcanons leading up to something but I wont write detailed scenes of darling being beat or even accidentally killed by their yandere, sorry.

Also just a quit shoot of basics I wont do

No:

-Incest (step-sibling or not)

-Beastiality (monster fucking is a okay)

-Scat (Piss is also a okay tho)

-Vore

-Teacher x Student (college or otherwise)

#rules #more to come probably

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teliangel · 5 years ago

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As If It Meant Something

Author’s note: I’m back, here to make everyone feel terrible things once again. This time we’re buckling down and experiencing the events of the terrible Princeit relationship from Remus’ perspective cause Reflections wrecked me, so if I have to suffer, you do too :)

@tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors thank you for making this monstrosity a possibility, ily so come scream with me.

PLEASE NOTE, if you haven’t read LAOFT this isn’t gonna make a lick of sense, so go read that, get emotionally steamrolled, then come back to be emotionally sucker punched by this slugger.

TWs: Remus typical violence, abusive relationships, thinking fondly of an abuser, contemplation of murder, grief handled poorly, jealously handled equally poorly, hurt with no comfort (again)

Parings: Remus/Deceit, Roman/Deceit, brief LAMP mention

Remus was in love.

It had been love at first sight, instantaneous and intense, like most things were for him. But from the first revel he had attended, left to his own devices but not the least bit shy for it, his eyes had unavoidably landed on the king, and in the span of a second he was completely smitten. But the king was the king, and he was an unremarkable Summer aside from being remarkably annoying to most, so getting close enough to share what he felt was a vital declaration of devotion was nigh on impossible. So he watched. He had thought he might like to dance at his first revel, or pester some pixies, or get into whatever the clusters of unseelie were involved in, but he found he'd rather gouge his eyes out than look away from the king. He was polished and regal and perfect, and Remus wanted to look at him for forever.

But the revel had to end at some point, and then he was flocked by simpering fae paying their dues. Remus was terrible at being patient, and the impulse to tear through the bodies between him and the king was nearly unbearable, but if he made too much of scene then he'd be done away with before he could even get close, and while being offed while looking at that beautiful, beautiful face sounded blissful, he really would like to talk to the other boy first. Eventually the king stepped down from the dais and off into the shadows, devoured by them like he was made of the same stuff, and Remus followed him in what was probably a complete breach of protocol. He never was good at remembering the rules, and he cared even less about the ones he did remember. And then he was crowded up in the king's space, the other boy's brow pinched in all too familiar irritation, a confession spilling from his lips like blood from a fresh stab wound. He started and he couldn't stop, words running into each other until he was completely uncertain if he was making any sense whatsoever, and the king's expression slowly shifted from frustration to shock to amusement. And then he was laughing, so hard and bright that Remus stopped speaking immediately just to listen to the sound in dumbfounded pleasure. Surely no one has heard such a genuine laugh from the king before because he couldn't imagine anyone being able to be afraid of him if they had. The thought made him feel like he had swallowed the whole damn sun and it was burning bright in his belly. Then the king had asked for his name and he had given it, because there wasn't a single part of himself he wouldn't offer up if only the king would laugh like that again.

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Remus had never hated anyone with the intensity that he hated Roman. Honestly, he hadn't known he had it in him to hang onto any one feeling aside from his love for Dee for longer than a breath, but here he was, broiling in his own rage. By the sun and stream and all things rotting, who did that human think he was? Riding into the revel on the king's horse like he had any right to be there, and staying plastered to the boy's side all night like some unfairly pretty leech. It made Remus want to break something or set something on fire or gut the human and strew his entrails from one end of the woods to the other and- Well. It upset him. Which was why he was out pacing instead of at the court, because if he saw the bastard's face, if Dee so much as smiled at him, he was liable to do something drastic and Dee would get angry. And it didn't help they looked so alike, slight distortions of each other, like brothers with different fathers. Was this how humans felt about changelings? The invasive same but not the same, the feeling of something replaced, an unfair exchange? If it was he could understand why the sensation would drive a mother to stab a fae child with a hot iron poker. The worst part, though, was how betrayed he felt. There was no doubt in his mind that Dee loved him, even if he never said as much. Remus was the one who was so effusive with the word love that he got stuck on it sometimes, repeating himself over and over, increasingly frantic with the thought that it might not come across right, that Dee might not believe him, until the king would laugh and shut him up. But he knew. He knew Dee loved him. Who else would he tell his secrets to, who else would he be calm and relaxed with? No one but Remus. And Remus knew he was a lot to handle, that everyone thought he was awful and disgusting, but that made him all the more sure Dee loved him because why would he put up with him otherwise?

But if Dee had brought this human back with him then that meant- that might mean-

No. He didn't believe it.

It had to be the witch's fault (for he knew the other boy was a witch, he could smell it on him like burning hair and bonfires), he had some sort of spell or charm placed on Remus' love. Well, he wouldn't be fooled. He saw the witch for what he was - an usurper, a substitute, a sham - and he wasn't having it. Roman had to be done away with. He'd have to be subtle, or Dee might get upset. He wasn't great at being subtle, though. The exact opposite, really. But everyone in court knew his brand of 'play', and if he accidentally loped off Roman's head, well whoopsie, things went like that sometimes! And that was if Dee didn't get bored first, which surely he would. Roman was just a boring old human who'd age and break with use. Remus was obviously better. He just had to wait for his love to come to the same conclusion. He wasn't a patient man by any means, but if it was for Dee, he could wait.

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Remus was feeling . . . Something.

The feeling, whatever it was, didn't show up often, and he didn't pay much mind to it when it did. He liked straightforward things, easily defined and acted on, not feelings he couldn't articulate. But he couldn't sleep tonight, and was feeling unusually pensive, so he was rolling the something over in his mind like a worry stone. The crux of the feeling, the root of the strange thing, was that he didn't exactly hate Roman anymore. He wasn't sure when the change had taken place, when his not-so-subtle attempts to murder the witch turned to more playful pranks, when the mere sight of him stopped making Remus want to remove his eyes. Granted, they weren't lovers like he and Dee were (the mere thought of that caused a sense of revulsion that Remus rarely ever experienced), and they weren't friends either. And every time the king kissed Roman he still wanted to stab him in the neck or maybe strangle him- and not in the fun way. But . . . But on nights like tonight, when he and the human had sat on either side of Dee at the revel, wine and conversation flowing easily between them and the king's mood high . . . well. He felt . . . fond? Happy? He didn't know! But he didn't hate Roman anymore, and he hadn't even noticed it until after a long day the human had woken him up coming in far sooner than he had wanted to wake that night, and instead of throwing a rock or a knife at him like he would have in the past he simply twisted his hand and left the witch's hair in knots, the other boy squawking indignantly. And it kept happening. Sure, he still injured Roman from time to time (he was a biter, he could not help this), but the tone of their relationship had shifted, somehow. And he felt strange. He didn't think he'd be any more sad if Roman died now than when they'd first met. But it would make things odd. They were sort of balanced, like this. As bitter a taste as it left in Remus' mouth, Dee needed things from Roman that the Summer simply couldn't give. He'd never be so polished and charming and civil. But the things that scared Roman about Dee where the things that Remus loved most. And if Dee didn't have the two of them, who did he have? Remus was of the humble opinion that every living creature should worship the ground the king walked on, but they were all too chicken-shit to even look at him properly most of the time. So who would love Dee if not them? That made the something-feeling even more complicated. Remus hated overthinking things and waxing poetic about his feelings (he wasn't Roman) but lying here in the dark, listening to his king and the human breathing soft and deep, he seemed unable to stop. The worst thing about this sort of mood and the something-feeling was that it made him feel something spongy and oddly vulnerable in his chest, because it made him realize that Roman wasn't actually all that awful. Maybe- maybe if he had met him before Dee had taken the human on, or maybe if they had met in literally any way that wasn't him trying to steal his lover, or-or- He shook his head viciously to dispel the thought, freezing when Dee snuffled in his sleep before hunkering back down. Hypotheticals were the worst for making the feeling stronger. Because maybe, under other circumstances, they would have been friends. And maybe he'd prefer those hypotheticals, and that was worse. Because what did that mean? What did that say about them, and what they had, and Dee? What did it say about him? Nope, he didn't want to think about it, or the something-feeling. He flopped over with a frustrated grunt, burying his face in the king's shoulder and rubbing his nose along the scales that peppered it. He wanted things to be simpler, and the resentment towards Roman for complicating things was almost always simmering right beneath his skin.

But.

But maybe one day it wouldn't be like that? Maybe things would get simple again, and Roman wouldn't have to die for it to happen, either.

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Remus was ecstatic.

He had been given a quest and it was going to fix everything. Finally he could prove himself to Dee, prove his dedication, and take back his rightful spot as the favored lover. He was nearly dizzy with the heady combination of delight and relief. The quest had settled on him with the reassuring weight of a down comforter, heavy and sweet. He nearly wept from it, as disgustingly sentimental as that was. This proved that Dee still had faith in him. That he trusted him to earn his place back. They both had an out now, one that didn't involve hurting Roman more than a little bit of heartbreak would. And, well, Remus wouldn't gloat too much when he succeeded. He knew how unpleasant it was to be unseated, to feel like you were loosing a lover. Maybe Dee could even be convinced to keep him as a knight! He was useful enough. The entirety of his life didn't have to be uprooted. And then they'd all live happily ever after and all that sappy shit.

Yes, this was perfect.

Everything was going to be okay.

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Nothing was okay.

Nothing was going to be okay ever again either. Remus' life was as good as over, dead and decomposing, without even a grave to mark its passing and- and-

And Dee was dead.

It couldn't be real. It didn't feel real. He couldn't have been gone for that long, not long enough for things to get that out of hand, and what was he going to do? Everything he'd ever done was pointless. It amounted to absolutely nothing now, and he shrieked into the night air with a lack of anything else to release the bubbling agonized thing burning in the back of his throat like bile. Roman was supposed to take care of their king while he was gone. Sure he wasn't as good as Remus, but he was competent enough, and loyal to a fault. Except he wasn't. He wasn't the man Remus thought he was at all, and he had spun back around to hating the witch more than anything on this earth. How could he? Dee had no one but them. No one who loved him, no one he could trust. There was Remus, and Roman, and that was it. And the second he was away the witch had pranced off to the next shiny thing. Hadn't he loved Dee at all? Remus had. Did. He thought the sun rose and set at the king's feet, thought all the flowers bloomed just to bask in his light, and Remus was built up around his every desire and would gladly rip himself apart tooth and nail for him and- And there was nothing. He had come back to nothing. His room in the court taken by another, his seat at the throne replaced by three for a witch a human and another seelie, his treasures meant for Dee -as proof of his love- taken by his replacement. All he had now was a bird singing at his shoulder and chest so full of unnameable feeling that he wasn't sure how it wasn't bursting through his bones and flesh, rending him open in a bloody mess. Because oh, he was bleeding. But there was no wound. Nothing to stitch together or slap a poultice on. Just carnage that had no exit mark. Remus crumpled over on the dew soaked grass beneath him. He didn't know where he was, nor did he much care at the moment. Maybe he'd get up soon and do something useful like set something on fire or pull the wings off a pixie. But for now he curled up on the ground and wept for everything that could never be fixed. And as his feathery companion settled on his head, her beak ruffling and preening his disheveled hair, he could almost imagine it was fingers tugging knots free as soft words were exchanged above his head. He could pretend he was in his old room, the revel just outside whenever he was ready to go back.

He could afford to pretend for just a little while longer. After all, no one was looking for him now.

#laoft #tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors #sanders sides #tw violence #tw abuse #tw unhealthy relationship #tw unhealthy coping mechanisms #tw hurt with no comfort #who wants to get back on the angst train with me since apparently I never get off?#questionable writing

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